Saturday, January 31, 2009

Tag I'm It

I was just tagged by my buddy, Victoria.

Here are the rules of the tag:Here are the rules:

1. Go to the section of your computer where you store all of your photos.

2. Select the 6th folder.

3. Select the 6th photo from that folder.

4. Post and explain about that picture.

5. Tag 6 other people
Okay So here it is, this picture of Brinn was taken when I got my new camera, we were just messing around and she was making funny faces pertending to be surprised. Isn't she funny.

So I'm going to tag my friend Connie, Liz, Naomi, Heather, Lee, and Cindy. Have fun!

Friday, January 30, 2009

Friday Fill Ins!

Yeah it's Friday and you know what that means! Time for Friday Fill Ins. Join in go grab the questions and just fill in the rest. Totally random, but lots of fun. Stop by and check out other's fill ins two. we go!
1. I'd really like to go to the beach right now, and watch the waves, read my bible and just chill out with God for the day.

2. Ahhhg, crap I mean crud that really hurt are the words you'd most often hear me say if I stubbed my toe.

3. Possession is in the eye of the beholder, oh no that's beauty. Well if your my dog if it's in her mouth it's hers, and we don't usually have a problem with that. But really everything we have belongs to the Lord.

4. Captain Jack Sparrow, is one of my favorite movie charachters. He actually reminds me of some people I've meet back in my old life.

5. Marshmallows and fire go together like graham crackers and chocolate, oh and yummy smores, I wonder how many WW points that is. Hm there are those flex points, wait no I must stop thinking about smores.

6. My daughter as much as I love her can make a double sided worksheet of math go on and on.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to watching Fireproof on DVD with my husband (we saw it in the theater and loved it, I highly recommend it)tomorrow my plans include cleaning out and rearranging Brinn's room, weigh in at WW meetings, lost 8.4 lbs last week (gotta love that water weight), and have our new friends from church over for dinner and Sunday, go to church and hear what God has for me in the message then I want to work on a altered frame window valance for Brinn's room, but will probably still be going through all her stuff.

Talk to you all soon. Have a great weekend!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Speaking Truth To Your Issues Chapter 4

This week in Chapter 4 Speaking Truth To Your Issues, from Jennifer Rothschild book Self Talk Soul Talk was again speaking to my heart. So if you have been following along this is the second study I've done in the Yes to God study hosted by Lelia at Write From the Heart.

Issues, me of course we all have issues. Those things that cause us to fear, sickness, money, relationship problems. We all have them. Jennifer said this, "We find ourselves with one defining circumstance in our lives that becomes the headwaters from which many other issues originate and flow." So this has caused me to think a lot about what was my defining circumstance. I know for me it always seems to flow back to when my father died when I was 12. From that point life changed dramatically for me. It's from there that the many issues that have shaped my life have flowed. So that is where I will start my cleansing.

But it wasn't this part of the chapter that really stood out to me, but when she talked about the story of the bleeding woman found in the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, and Luke. It struck me because only a couple weeks back my pastor did a sermon with her story in it. It wasn't even remotely on the same topic, but still I felt a nudge this morning as I thought of her. Then tonight as I sat down to gather my thoughts for writing this blog post God showed me how much I was like her on the day I finally fully by faith only, relinquished my life over to Jesus. This is what I'm led to share with you.

It was Mother's Day 1999, I was 8 months pregnant with Brinn, I walked into the EV Free Church in Fresno because it was the closest to my house. I was by myself, the church was huge, and there were all these happy couples and families. I remember them giving me a carnation as I sat in the back row of the Church. I couldn't remember the last time I'd been to church. I knew of Jesus, and had even prayed the sinner's prayer, but the seeds fell in the weeds and had been choked. I cried my way through the service, and truthfully I don't even know what the sermon was about, but I do remember hearing that Jesus loved me know matter where I'd been, and that I was suppose to be there that day. I filled out a prayer request card asking for help, someone to talk too. I remember what I wrote: My husband had recently told me he know longer wanted to be married to me, that he'd found the woman he was meant to be with. I'm 8 months pregnant and feel completely lost and alone. Mark 5:27 When she heard about Jesus....

I knew about Jesus as the woman had, and that Sunday I had to be somewhere where I knew I could find Him, or someone could help me find Him. That next Tuesday I was desperate, I had called my sister she said why don't you call the church. So I did. That afternoon I spoke to Pastor Roy Pope, and we talked on the phone he told me that he knew how I could find help and that he wanted me to come meet with him the next day. So that next day I went to the office, and I met Pastor Pope for the first time. He listened as I cried and told him how desperately I wanted to save my marriage, that I didn't want my little baby to grow up in a divorced family, that I had no family close by and only a few coworkers that I knew.

He told me that God was not going to leave me and my baby alone, and then he explained the great gift of salvation, and why all the years of trying to earn God's love wasn't the answerer. He said imagine you went out and found the perfect gift for someone you love, you couldn't wait for them to open it and see how much you loved them by giving them this gift, but when you received it they said how much do I pay you for your gift. This is what we do when we try to earn God's love through good deeds, and other works. Jesus is the perfect gift that God has picked out for you, and all you have to do is open it and put your faith in that gift of Jesus that God will provide for all your needs and your child's needs. It was like scales came from my eyes, and someone opened my ears. "she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, "If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed." Mark 5:27 -28 I reached out touched Jesus cloak, because at that moment I knew out of sheer desperation, and being completely broken that He would heal my heart, as I prayed, and confessed my unworthiness "Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering." Mark 5:33-34 I cried not out of sadness, but out of excitement over feeling a sudden overwhelming of peace.

So what does all this have to do with Self Talk and Soul Talk, partly nothing except tonight God laid this on my heart to share with whoever chooses to read this post. The other though is slowly over the last 9 almost 10 years God has been working me through my issues. He has changed who I am, the way I see things, and the way I live my life, and now He's changing the way I talk to myself exposing the lies that I've listened to from my thought closet over and over again. He has shown me many areas that we have worked my way through. And reading this book has opened my eyes up to the fact that I still try to take over and do it my self. I probably would have survived through the last 10 years had I not reached out for my Jesus, but the different scenarios that come to mind based on how I've controlled my life are to messy and depressing to go there. God has taken my life and turned it around, I have a life that I love, and I love it because I have a Savior who loves me, and His Spirit guides me (when I'm quiet enough to listen).

I like what Jennifer had to say as a reminder in these quotes, that soul talk is no just positive affirmation sayings you put on sticky notes around your house: "By faith we receive truth, By faith we believe truth. And by faith we act on that truth. ; Soul Talk can never be a substitute for faith. ; Soul Talk is faith's companion, not it's replacement. ; Soul Talk cannot be a replacement for prayer either.; Our issues can dictate our beliefs, color our actions, and affect our attitudes. But so can our faith."

So as I continue to plow through the mine field of issues I have, I will not be in their alone, I will have the Holy Spirit that God sent to me on that day in May 1999, to take me by the hand. "But when He sends the Counselor as my representative-- and by the Counselor I mean the Holy Spirit--he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I myself have told you." John 14:26

Jennifer reminds us of the 4 roles of the Holy Spirit:
He is our Counselor : "He is safe, He is wise. He is objective. He is absolutely committed to our ultimate good. And we can trust Him never to lead us off course."
He Represents Christ: "He mirrors God's truth. His guidance always lines up with the truth of God's Word. The Spirit never leads us in ways that oppose Scripture."
He is our Teacher: "He stamps out ignorance, replacing it with wisdom and discernment light-years beyond our own. He's a Mentor who teaches and guides with greater understanding than our own."
He Reminds us of Truth: Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." Following God's Spirit has always led me down the right road, following my own well let's just say it always ended up in some kind of train wreck at the end.

So as I turn my battle of my issues of; fear, worthlessness, low self esteem, denial, self doubt, feeling inadequate and the list goes on, I know that I'm in there with the ONE who will never leave me, never give up on me, never tell me that he doesn't love me, but will carry me through and patiently cover and replace and remove all those things that are in there now.
I pray that you know my Jesus too.


Friday, January 23, 2009

It's time again for Friday Fill Ins

Okay it's time for Friday Fill-Ins
Pop on over to join in on the fun.
Here We Go!
1. Oh, I am so thankful for my family, my friends, to have my job, my home, and more than anything I'm thankful for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!
2. I'm making changes, big and little, in my life. Diet, the way I talk to my self, and filling my heart with the words that God would tell me not the things I've been saying to me for too many years.
3. During next 30 days, I"m sticking to my Weight Watchers Plan.
4. $100,000 dollars for a desk, $30,000 for a rug, bonuses of millions given out after they ask for the taxpayers to bail them out, and news people asking what's wrong with these guys,uhm could it be GREED ; are you kidding me??? Sorry this just makes me upset.
5. Right now I'd like to be right here at home with my family.
6. My Laptop is my favorite computer toy, My Cricut is my favorite scrapbooking gadget.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to dinner with friends tomorrow night with a rousing game of Wii bowling, tomorrow my plans include WW meeting, tutoring for Brinn, and helping Brinn build her mission San Luis Obispo and Sunday, I want to go to church, and go for a walk, but will probably be moving Brinn's room around.
Hope you all have a great weekend.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Choosing Wise Words - Chapter 3

I'm a day behind. We had a 3 day weekend and those always seem to throw me off. Happily sharing with you what God spoke to me about in our Yes to God book study Self Talk, Soul Talk by Jennifer Rothschild is never too late.

Thanks again to Lelia our fearless leader at Write From the Heart for leading this blog study. If you want to read what others are sharing pop on over to Lelia's blog and you can read what the other woman are finding out.

Okay on with the study. This was another chapter of ahas for me. Last week I had been determined to take my thoughts captive. I was feeling really down, and I have to tell you that every day after I shared with you all I felt up lifted. I did have to battle my own thoughts, and stop and ask myself what would Jesus tell me. So this week I am feeling really good. I'm starting to replace those ugly words with God's loving words, and it's soooo much better.

Jennifer first caught me with this, "We live by our assumptions, our beliefs about the way things are. We often aren't even aware of such ideas until we exercise a little self-examination. Our thoughts and our actions flow from or assumptions." I'm not sure about you, but I never really thought about that. The things we learn, and are told, and perceive about our self ooze out into the way we are and the way we expect people to treat us, and yes the way we treat others.

Jennifer compared this to a tree bearing fruit. "our assumptions are the root, and our thoughts are the fruit. The root of wrong thinking is always a faulty assumption. The root of right thinking is always an assumption based on truth."

But here is the deal, we can't just cut off the fruit, we have to dig up the tree by the root to get rid of it. I know of two roots that I have been shown over the last year, one is a tree that root is abandonment that one is a big one and the other root is insecurity and low self esteem, and then in a weird way I think there is one of pride. These are the trees I'm going to start with, the ones God has shown me for now. There are probably others too and I'm sure God will show them to me as He guides me through this process.

So first I need to be able to recognize truth. Jennifer tells us that first we are to "Request Wisdom" Ask God to give you wisdom He wants us to ask. Jennifer referenced James 1:5 "In any of you lack wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him" Could it be that easy, God loves me and He wants me to make choices on based on His truth and guidance through the Holy Spirit. So I have to ask for wisdom, and then believe that I will receive it.

Next is to "Revere God" Jennifer quotes Proverbs 9:10 "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." "To fear the Lord doesn't mean to be deathly afraid of Him. No He is good and kind. But He is also just and worthy of our highest regard and respect. To fear the Lord means we reverence Him. It means to show deference and respect." We need to look at who's opinion we value more, who's truth do you seek. We need to look to God for our truth, search the scriptures He breathed life into, and pray.

Third is to "Receive Counsel" once again she reaches into Proverbs for these wise words, "the wise of heart will receive commands". and then she reminds us "When we walk with wisdom, it will wear off on us." I love the interview she had with Patsy Clairmont. Patsy shared with her something that struck me and this was my aha moment.

Patsy said, "I had so many people saying things to me that were in conflict with what I was saying about myself. One us had to be wrong!" So when I had more and more people saying the same positives to me, and my words were all negative, I had to stop and say, Everyone can't be wrong. Do I trust their judgment? And do I think they are wise? Am I willing to receive what they are saying is truth? If I am, then I have to change the messages in me."
That struck me right to my core, because I do that. I have people tell me things, positive things and I have this negative tape in my head saying they are wrong, or I just put it off as they don't really know me. Now though, I have to ask myself these questions about the people who say positive things to me. Do I trust their judgment, do I think they are wise? Some of these people I can say absolutely, in fact one lady came to mind that I have thought of as a mentor for a while, she was always telling me the opposite of what I'd tell myself. There are others too, my husband, my sister I trust their judgement. There are few who I can say I don't believe they are sincere when they say things to me, so them I just let it go.
I remember taking a test at church one Sunday last May about our Spiritual gifts. Mine scored high in areas that were quite shocking to me. As the pastor went through them and asked people to raise there hands if they had this or that, my friend sitting next to me kept saying, why didn't you raise your hand look you scored high on that one, or raise your hand higher. I told her that I think I scored it wrong these can't be right. She looked at me and said let me see it. Then she said to me I can totally see these in you. I was stunned, my husband said the same thing. I couldn't see them in myself, and kept telling myself that I would redo it later. I put the list away, and hadn't thought of it until just now. Funny I know where it is to it's in my workbook another friend gave us called Experiencing God. Guess it's time to look at the test and do that study.
So on with this journey I go. This morning I started praying for wisdom from God, and I believe He will give it to me. I'm trusting in Him to show me how to take out the root of these trees, and plant new and beautiful sweet truthful fruit.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Time For Friday Fill Ins

Come along and play Friday Fill Ins. we go!

1. Enough with the this waste line off to Weight Watchers tomorrow for my first meeting.

2. Walmarts prices vs the crowds in the stores causes me to be conflicted as to whether it's worth the savings.

3. I've been craving a day a day of scrapbooking and creating.

4. My daughters 9 year old observations, and insight makes me laugh and make me think.

5. I wish I could go to Monetary next week with my husband for a much needed couples time.

6. Spending time with my mom more has been on my mind lately.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to spending time with my family, tomorrow my plans include 1st ww meeting, grocery shopping, and helping my daughters mission project and Sunday, I want to connect with my friends at church, go visit my mom, and we've all got Monday off too to sleep in!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Renewing Your Thought Closet Ch. 2

Welcome to week 2 in the Yes to God book study hosted by the fabulous Lelia. The book is Self Talk Soul Talk, by Jennifer Rothschild and it's been making me think. The quotes from the book are highlighted, so let's get into Renewing my Thought Closet.
I have to say I love the story of Jennifer's grandmother telling her to not watch "so-poppers" which translated from her southern drawl was Soap Operas. It reminded me of my Grandma, she'd watch me after school and instead of cartoons I grew up watching One Life to Live and General Hospital in black and white. Grandma would always say "I don't know why I watch these shows that just not real life" as we sat there everyday watching them with our Tea and Grandmas homemade sugar cookies. She's right though it took me years to give up those two shows, and in many ways they contributed to some of the voices and ideas in my thought closet. Jennifer says "We have borrowed unbecoming beliefs from other people and hung them in our thought closets. We have grabbed clumsy considerations and careless characterizations and made them part of our wardrobe even when they didn't come close to fitting us."

I have been in more than one relationship that was verbally abusive, and I know that those have filled a lot of my inventory in my closet. I think the others I went shopping in the same store because of what I was told, I believed it and so I purchased it over and over again. I've watched and listened to media that says I'm suppose to be one thing, yet that simply doesn't fit me or my life. I have had people make fun of the way I talk since I was a small child. I had a very bad lisp, and spent 6 years in speech therapy to get it as is now. It still makes me uncomfortable when people say something about it. I also have a higher pitched voice and people yes even adults comment about it. Even to this day I avoid talking in crowds (must be why I like blogging and emailing) When ever this comes up I go straight to my they don't like me box, or my they think I'm weird box and put on that rag.

I'm not sure about all of you but I've been being hit with a barrage of Self Talk all week even in my dreams. I think Satan is really upset by this study, and certainly doesn't want me to stop telling myself all the things I have been over the past week, it simply makes his job that much easier. Over the last week I've been feeling frustrated over my health situation, my AIH hasn't hasn't gone into remission, and I spend a lot of time home and not out and about doing things. This morning was really bad, to the point that my husband sat with me on the bed and said I'm worried you might be slipping into a depression. Wow that's a wake up call.

I've been really hard on myself calling myself names like; pathetic, fat, useless, boring, selfish, whinner and ugly. I actually have read Jennifer's chapter 2 twice and have underlined and highlighted it that I could almost quote the whole chapter in this post. But I won't, here are a few thoughts that I will read over and over again.
"If you have been labeled by some unfortunate words in the past.....then you to know how those words can have a hold on you. Until you choose to bring that out-of-place label into the light and make it line up with truth, it will control you. Instead of wearing it as a label, choose now to label it with the truth."
"When you talk to yourself, do you choose wise words? Are they words God would put His loving stamp of approval on? Are they like life-giving water, or do they drain away your vitality, leaving you parched, dry, and arid?"
"Words matter. We cannot risk speaking untruths to ourselves because of the strong likelihood that we will believe them."

Words do hurt they hurt when they come from other people (even when they are unintentional) and when destructive, condemning words come from your own thought closet they are even more damaging. It's easier to escape the words of others, but it's hard to escape yourself. But thankfully we can't escape God either I was drawn today to remember Psalm 139. There is so much hope and truth that we need to speak into ourselves. I keep my baby picture in my Bible with this Psalm, but I haven't visited that little one in a while.
Psalm 139:7-12 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hid me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day for darkness is as light to you.
You see when we are stuck in our heads (thought closet) we really aren't alone God is there watching us rummage through those boxes and hangers deciding what label or name we'll choose. Jesus is there with us telling us that He has the perfect words for you, but at that moment we are trying to hide, we've got the ipod on as loud as it will go. But if we turn down the noise and before we start to put our labels on and say God I don't want to wear this anymore, I don't want to call myself word and names that you didn't create for me. Help me Lord to relabel these boxes, and fill me with your words and truth. He Will!!!! We've put these things in our closet, and sadly like bad memories we can't completely get rid of them. But Jennifer reminds us, "You can't remove those hurtful thoughts, words and memories, but by the power of God you can drain them of their potential control over you."

So now I'm going to start relabeling those thoughts, with Gods words. I will start to train myself to take my thoughts captive and replace them with God's words. "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" 2 Corintihians 10:5. I need to pray this verse every time I start feeling those words come at me. Paul also tells us in Ephesians 4:22-24 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be me made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

My friend Kendal gave me this quote (I'm not sure who it's from she had it memorized, maybe Beth Moore) when Brett was going through the Recovery program, and I was going through a time when I discovering many things about him and myself. I would speak awful things about myself. I wrote it in my little bible that I keep at work, and God brought it to my mind this morning, right after Brett told me how worried he is about me. I thought I'd share it with you. "I have great worth apart from my performance because Christ gave his life for me and therefore imparted great value to me I am deeply loved fully pleasing, totally forgiven accepted and complete in Christ Jesus." I need to bring this one back up out of my thought closet I think it's in there amongst the ugly old boxes the ones so worn from years of pulling stuff out and putting stuff in, but this one is a beautifully wrapped gift that I've neglected to open in the last 2 years. I want to share it with all of you my friends. We can all unwrap this gift together, and replace our name calling with it.


Friday, January 9, 2009

Friday Fill-Ins: #106

Friday Fill-Ins: #106

I've Joined the Friday Fill Ins

1. It's January in California, so it's about 40 degrees outside, and I've finally convinced Brinn to wear her mocosians on the weekends instead of flip flops, at least until the next wave of 70 degree weather kicks in.
2. A little more sleep is what I crave most right now.
3. Cork and wine go together like well I'm not sure I don't drink wine. So in our house they go perfectly together like salt and pepper.
4. God's word is so nourishing.
5. Let us dare to look beyond apperances. Inspired by a blog post from Leslie Nease .
6. I want my home to be a place where people feel welcome, and my family wants to be.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to a quiet night, tomorrow my plans include a girls day with my daughter, that includes Godiva Chocolate, Peet's Coffe, and manicures, pedicures and shoping and Sunday, I want to go to church, see my mom, and spends some more time cleaning that thought closet.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Ch 1 - Not So Well with My Soul

It's the first chapter in the Yes To God Study hosted by Lelia. We are delving into the book Self Talk Soul Talk by Jennifer Rothschild. Lelia once again thank you for your openness and dedication to hosting these studies. You rock girlfriend. If you haven't stopped by and visited Lelia on her blog Write From the Heart, please do it will bless you, even more so visit some of our other fellow Yes To God bloggers, they are all wonderful women of faith and each has a unique story and the way the share it.

On with Chapter 1. Do you talk to yourself? I do, not always out loud, but there is always a dialog going on in my head. That's what this book is about. What we say to ourselves and how it can either be destructive or constructive. Self Talk, those things we tell ourselves about ourselves all that negative stuff we believe about ourselves.

Jennifer explains it this way, "We grow so accustomed to our own self talk that we don't even recognize its corrosive nature and the damage we're inflicting on our own souls." I don't know about you but that really hit me. How many times last year did I say to myself your not a good wife you can't hardly get off the couch, or look how you've let yourself go what happened to you, and on an on. You don't fit in with these people they don't want to be your friend. Then Jennifer hit me with this, "The truth is, our self talk actually begins to shape the life we live, affecting our very destiny. What you think and say to yourself will impact the texture, color, and music of your life." Wow, how true had that become for me.

I struggle with self-esteem, I can look at myself and have a flow of thoughts about how worthless, ugly, and unnecessary I am; not 30 seconds after my husband has totally told me the exact opposite. Jennifer likened the thoughts we store over our life time to a closet.

The thought closet, now what woman can't relate to a closet full of stuff we collected over time that is ugly and out dated, but for some reason we can't seem to let it go. She says this," I seem to have a secret closet tucked somewhere in the hallways of my mind. A thought closet. And what I had been storing n the closet wasn't good at all: shelves and racks and bins full of hidden thoughts, secret insecurities, lies, illusions, and reminders of former failures." Well back up the U-Haul ladies it's time to empty that closet and replace that Self Talk with Soul Talk.

Soul Talk is speaking the truth of the Scriptures and what God says to us and about us, and replacing that negative Self Talk with soothing loving words form our Lord that soothe our Souls. Words and dialouge that God wants us to know, believe and embrace about who He is, how much He loves us, and it's what He created us to be that we should focus our thoughts on, not the junk that we've filled our closet with.

This reminds me of when Brett was first in recovery. He would tell me about the constant battle he had with the thought of his own mind. His thought closet was full of condemnation, shame, embarrassment, and instructions of how to get pills, excuses to cover it, or how to get lost in the world of lust. It plagued him. I remember that in order to battle that he would go the the bible and he clung to these 3 Scriptures:
First one 2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ.
The second was 1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. This one he actually had on a dog tag he wore all the time.
The third one was the one Jennifer referred to in her book Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Brett did more than memorize these verses he would recite them whenever he felt those old nasty self talk would creep into his head. He was actually doing what Jennifer is telling us to do. He was replacing his destructive thoughts that had lead him into such darkness, and replacing them with promises from God and God transformed his thoughts and He promised.

So what's my inventory in my closet. After the last study I believe I've found the closet and turned on the lights. I found tons of negative ugliness in there, but I believe I started the removing of some of the negative and now there is more neutral than there use to be. I believe I'm ready now to do a deep cleaning of the closet, and remove those boxes from the 70's, 80's, 90's and even the recent ones added. I'm ready to fill my closet with Soul Talk. I'll leave you with the closing thought Jennifer had in Chapter 1.
"When you speak truth to your soul, you'll live out the truth. Your soul talk really can help it become well with your soul."


Truth Heals Chapter 10 Finally.

It's time to start the new Yes To God Bible Study with Lelia over at Write From The Heart will be working through Self Talk Soul Talk by Jennifer Rothschild, but first I'd like to give you a few final thoughts on the last chapter of our last study Behind Those Eyes, by Lisa Whittle. Do to life circumstances I never got to finish the study with the rest of the ladies, but this book, the digging I did in my heart, and the incredible love support and new friendships I made I wanted to close it out. Plus I believe it was a great lead in to this next study.

The last chapter of Behind Those Eyes is Chapter 10 The Truth Heals. We started out with that The Truth Hurts, but through this process of looking behind all the masks and digging through some painful memories as well as admitting to pain I've caused others the final chapter title it true. You have to go through the pain to get to the healing.

Lisa wrote "Women, the truth does hurt: we are flawed...we are selfish...we are unlovely... and we are unworthy of the love of almighty God." That's all true I am everyone of those things, and that's a hard thing to admit, but thankfully the Truth doesn't end there. Lisa continues, "But fortunately for us, that is not the end of the story. There is more truth we should know. The truth is also that we are loved...we are accepted...we are wanted...we are important to God...and we are His beautiful creations. With that knowledge, strangely enough, the truth of our depravity now seems more like a gift than a curse. Together, these truths allow us to operate out of hearts of gratitude toward God and acceptance of ourselves so we can finally be the real us we were meant to be."

Have I found more truth about myself that has helped free me on some level? Yes, I am learning first to recognize who God made me to be, stripping off all those mask Ms. Perfection, Ms. Confidence, Ms. Happiness, and Ms. Spirituality caused me to look at who I really am, and not who I pretended to be and not who society expected me to be. Now I'm learning to embrace who God made me to be, and it's very freeing.

So who did God make me to be, well here is a bit of what I discovered. First I'm shy at first, but loyal to my friends. He's given me a compassionate heart for people who hurt, because he's brought me through many trials. I am not organized, or meticulous, and no matter how many day planners I buy I'll never look at them. I'm an artist at heart, and love to create. I am not good at networking (that's the shy thing) so I'm not signing up for any more multilevel marketing stuff. On the deeper side I've made bad choices, but now I'm learning that I don't have to define myself by those choices, because Jesus has wiped them clean and will use them in a positive way. The biggest lesson I'm learning is that the me I see in the mirror isn't the me that God sees. He sees my heart and He loves my heart, now He's teaching me to love that me even when the truth of the teaching can be painful God will heal me with the truth of Him.

Lisa listed some verses in the chapter that told us how much God loves us and told us to put our names in front of them. Doing that made them so personal I encourage your to do the same. Here they are, just remember to put your name in front of it. (I'm going to do a canvas with these for my daughter for her room) Carol, I love you so much that I took the time to create you. Gen 1:27, Carol, I love you so much that I desire to stay constantly connected to you 1Cor. 1:9, Carol, I love you so much that I know everything about you, even the numbers of hairs on your head. Matt 10:30; Luke 12:7, Carol, I love you so much that I forgave you for everything you have ever done. Ps 65:3, Carol, I love you so much that I died on the cross to save you. John 3:16-17, Carol, I love you so much that I am coming again to take you to a perfect place to live with Me forever. John 14:1-3

If you were not part of this study, I encourage you to read Lisa's book, I have my other thoughts on the chapters in the side bars and the things I've shared if you want to find out more of the journey I took through this book. Lelia, thank you for hosting this study and the faithfulness you had in leading it. Lisa thank you for answering God's call and for sharing so much of yourself in this book, and being a part of our study and the encouragement you gave through your comments. To all my new sisters I've made through Yes to God I love you all, your comments, love and support and prayers were felt. How I wish we weren't all spread all over the world. For now I'll send you all a big Cyber Hug.


Monday, January 5, 2009

Here's what I've been doing in December

Well Happy New Year, are you ready for 2009? I didn't blog much in December, honestly it was busy, and well frankly I have to admit that I was spending way to much time on the computer. I have a love hate relationship with Facebook, it's so easy to get caught up in it. Especially all those little fun thingies you send back and forth. I do love Facebook though, it's fun to keep up with friends old and new on it.

I thought I'd share some highlights from the December activities in the Lueckfeld home, and a bit of our Christmas too. First up are pictures of us at Bethel Church in San Jose, our friends invited us to the Christmas performance the put on. It was impressive full Orchestra and all, what a talented group of people.

What would Christmas be with out kids and cookie making be? Brinn had two of her friends over to make Christmas Cookies and a sleep over. They had a blast mixing colors, and decorating the cookies.

The girls even made gingerbread shaped solider cookies. One of the girls brother was home on leave, and she made him a special cookie, with a special color mix of Army Green. Brinn made a cookie in honor of my father, the Grandpa she's hoping to meet in Heaven.

Brett is difficult to buy for, and the last couple years I've made him a gift. Last year I made him a scrapbook that represent his first 18 months of sobriety, and more importantly how God grew and changed him. For Father's day I altered a frame for him with the word Father and a scripture on it. For Christmas he asked me if I could make him something with the word TETELESTA which in the Greek mean's "It Is Finished" So the canvas below (sorry not a great picture) I made him using a print of the famous "Forgiven" painting, and 5 sections of scripture. John 19:28-30,(at the top) Jude 24-25 (at the bottom) Ephesians 1:7-8 (top left) Romans 6:6-7 (bottom left) and John 1:14 (right). It brought me such Joy to search the scriptures to find the ones that spoke to this picture and the amazing gift that was truly given to us on Christmas. Brett loves it and we'll hang it up this weekend next to his fathers day gift. Now the other pages are a sample of the calendar pages I made for gifts to my mom, grandma in law, mother in law and father in law. They are some of my favorite pictures through the year.

Okay, so now be kind, it's Christmas morning. Brett spoiled me and Brinn. I got jewelry, cd's and my new Tracy Jo Camera Bag with the matching camera strap. But my favorite is this statue I'm holding. It's Jesus and the Women at the Well. That section of the Gospel, is one where I've always heard Jesus speak to me. I love this, and the sweet carving of the lady in my new title picture was what Brinn picked out for me. She said it reminded her of me and I loved that when she sees a women arms stretched out looking to the heavens it makes her think of me. It sits in front of our wedding picture.

Brinn's gift to Daddy this year was a Polymer Clay Shark she made (with a bit of help from mom). Brett loves shark documentaries, and so Brinn was insistent that this is what she make. It really turned out good, and it has a smile, so it's a nice shark. Brett and I are the first to admit that we go way overboard at Christmas. We love giving our BooBear (as we call her) gifts, especially on Christmas. This year Brinn got lots of fun stuff, Cd's, puffels, and Lego sets. The big gift this year though was........ a Wii game.

As you can see she was excited. I've never been a big fan of video games, but I have to say that this one is fun. We also got the Wii fit board, very cool but a little unsettling. (I'll save that for another post. Even Nikita made out with her treats of extra thick beggins, which as you can see from the picture she is doing her one and only trick. And that's praise. Yep our dog praises!

And then she's thankful.
Well that's a brief highlight into December. We had a lot of other stuff going on too. I'll be back tomorrow to post with my bloggy sisters and the Yes to God Bible study.
Happy New Year to you all.