Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Renewing Your Thought Closet Ch. 2

Welcome to week 2 in the Yes to God book study hosted by the fabulous Lelia. The book is Self Talk Soul Talk, by Jennifer Rothschild and it's been making me think. The quotes from the book are highlighted, so let's get into Renewing my Thought Closet.
I have to say I love the story of Jennifer's grandmother telling her to not watch "so-poppers" which translated from her southern drawl was Soap Operas. It reminded me of my Grandma, she'd watch me after school and instead of cartoons I grew up watching One Life to Live and General Hospital in black and white. Grandma would always say "I don't know why I watch these shows that just not real life" as we sat there everyday watching them with our Tea and Grandmas homemade sugar cookies. She's right though it took me years to give up those two shows, and in many ways they contributed to some of the voices and ideas in my thought closet. Jennifer says "We have borrowed unbecoming beliefs from other people and hung them in our thought closets. We have grabbed clumsy considerations and careless characterizations and made them part of our wardrobe even when they didn't come close to fitting us."

I have been in more than one relationship that was verbally abusive, and I know that those have filled a lot of my inventory in my closet. I think the others I went shopping in the same store because of what I was told, I believed it and so I purchased it over and over again. I've watched and listened to media that says I'm suppose to be one thing, yet that simply doesn't fit me or my life. I have had people make fun of the way I talk since I was a small child. I had a very bad lisp, and spent 6 years in speech therapy to get it as is now. It still makes me uncomfortable when people say something about it. I also have a higher pitched voice and people yes even adults comment about it. Even to this day I avoid talking in crowds (must be why I like blogging and emailing) When ever this comes up I go straight to my they don't like me box, or my they think I'm weird box and put on that rag.

I'm not sure about all of you but I've been being hit with a barrage of Self Talk all week even in my dreams. I think Satan is really upset by this study, and certainly doesn't want me to stop telling myself all the things I have been over the past week, it simply makes his job that much easier. Over the last week I've been feeling frustrated over my health situation, my AIH hasn't hasn't gone into remission, and I spend a lot of time home and not out and about doing things. This morning was really bad, to the point that my husband sat with me on the bed and said I'm worried you might be slipping into a depression. Wow that's a wake up call.

I've been really hard on myself calling myself names like; pathetic, fat, useless, boring, selfish, whinner and ugly. I actually have read Jennifer's chapter 2 twice and have underlined and highlighted it that I could almost quote the whole chapter in this post. But I won't, here are a few thoughts that I will read over and over again.
"If you have been labeled by some unfortunate words in the past.....then you to know how those words can have a hold on you. Until you choose to bring that out-of-place label into the light and make it line up with truth, it will control you. Instead of wearing it as a label, choose now to label it with the truth."
"When you talk to yourself, do you choose wise words? Are they words God would put His loving stamp of approval on? Are they like life-giving water, or do they drain away your vitality, leaving you parched, dry, and arid?"
"Words matter. We cannot risk speaking untruths to ourselves because of the strong likelihood that we will believe them."

Words do hurt they hurt when they come from other people (even when they are unintentional) and when destructive, condemning words come from your own thought closet they are even more damaging. It's easier to escape the words of others, but it's hard to escape yourself. But thankfully we can't escape God either I was drawn today to remember Psalm 139. There is so much hope and truth that we need to speak into ourselves. I keep my baby picture in my Bible with this Psalm, but I haven't visited that little one in a while.
Psalm 139:7-12 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hid me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day for darkness is as light to you.
You see when we are stuck in our heads (thought closet) we really aren't alone God is there watching us rummage through those boxes and hangers deciding what label or name we'll choose. Jesus is there with us telling us that He has the perfect words for you, but at that moment we are trying to hide, we've got the ipod on as loud as it will go. But if we turn down the noise and before we start to put our labels on and say God I don't want to wear this anymore, I don't want to call myself word and names that you didn't create for me. Help me Lord to relabel these boxes, and fill me with your words and truth. He Will!!!! We've put these things in our closet, and sadly like bad memories we can't completely get rid of them. But Jennifer reminds us, "You can't remove those hurtful thoughts, words and memories, but by the power of God you can drain them of their potential control over you."


So now I'm going to start relabeling those thoughts, with Gods words. I will start to train myself to take my thoughts captive and replace them with God's words. "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" 2 Corintihians 10:5. I need to pray this verse every time I start feeling those words come at me. Paul also tells us in Ephesians 4:22-24 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be me made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

My friend Kendal gave me this quote (I'm not sure who it's from she had it memorized, maybe Beth Moore) when Brett was going through the Recovery program, and I was going through a time when I discovering many things about him and myself. I would speak awful things about myself. I wrote it in my little bible that I keep at work, and God brought it to my mind this morning, right after Brett told me how worried he is about me. I thought I'd share it with you. "I have great worth apart from my performance because Christ gave his life for me and therefore imparted great value to me I am deeply loved fully pleasing, totally forgiven accepted and complete in Christ Jesus." I need to bring this one back up out of my thought closet I think it's in there amongst the ugly old boxes the ones so worn from years of pulling stuff out and putting stuff in, but this one is a beautifully wrapped gift that I've neglected to open in the last 2 years. I want to share it with all of you my friends. We can all unwrap this gift together, and replace our name calling with it.

Love,
Carol

8 comments:

grey like snuffie said...

Wonderful post. That quote: I have great worth.... I believe it is from the Search for Significance book. I helped lead a study using that book years ago---it was an amazing study to watch God use in MANY women in our group.

Tina said...

Carol, I love that quote "I am deeply loved, fully pleasing, totally forgiven accepted and complete in Christ. Good to be reminded of that! . I've got a few labels for you. Compassionate, brave and kind. I don't blog often or at least haven't in the past. That you took the time to reach out and leave a kind word meant the world to me. When I read your blog brave is a word that comes to mind. You bear the trial you are in with grace and strength I admire you!

Laura said...

Oh, Carol. I love that quote. We need to hang that one in the closet, so true! He loves you. Just as you are. But He wants us all to be the best we can be. I'm working hard with you to replace those ugly ol thoughts.

Praying for you,
Laura

Paula (SweetPea) said...

First, I am so, so, so you are still feeling bad. I need to reply to your email and will do that hopefully in the next few days.

You brought some very good points forth. I love the 1 Cor. 10:5 take EVERY thought captive.

The quote you gave us is a good one also.
Love ya, sweet one.
Paula
Hey...my verification word is tradin...I instantly thought of the song "Trading My Sorrows"....don't know if that was just for me or also you so I'm sharing it. I'm tradin my sorrows.....that's all I can think of the song lyrics right now. ugg.

Liz said...

Oh Carol! I love your post and my heart hurts with you because I know what you feel. I have experienced verbal abuse and it sticks...man does it stick. But God is so good to give us sweet words of truth. You are lovely, and kind. I think I can hear your sweet voice :) and I love it. Thanks for posting from the heart.
Let's shop together for some better things for our closet!
Love you my sweet friend.

Ok...this must be a God conspiracy. My word verification is trime...makes me think God is saying, "Try Me!" He is faithful. LOL

HIS Daughter said...

Carol,

I had no idea you had an autoimmune disease. I do as well. Mine is not as serious - Psoriatic Arthritis, but it's not in remission and I can't work because of my hands and when you are alone with your thoughts, the enemy messes with you big time!

The drug I take once a week is hard on my body and my liver. I feel so much fatigue and that's just a tiny step away from depression....I know...I lived in that land quite a bit in my past.

Girlfriend, we have to know that GOD is going to get glory out of everything in our lives. Even if no remission or healing comes our way - HE is still faithful and we can still make a difference in HIS kingdom.

I KNOW that HE is most glorified when we are most satisfied in HIM. Not that I can't fall apart in HIS arms and cry, BUT that I can get back up and tell the world that "though HE slay me, YET WILL I SERVE HIM".

I pray that we both show that to other women.

You are precious!!!
Love,
Teri

HIS Daughter said...

CAROL!!!

IS YOUR CHURCH NEAR MY DAUGHTER???

She and her husband just moved to Foster City with his job. I know she said she went to Palo Alto to get her haircut...is that near you guys???

Love Teri

The Fry's said...

Oh Carol, how much once again I need what you blogged about. It's a rough day... shoot, it's a rough WEEK! And I have the awful thoughts in my head about me, and people around me. I almost posted on my blog about how I let people control my feelings and thoughts too much. I do. And I need to re-group and know how to bring myself up.

Thanks for such a wonderful post.