A Lesson I didn't expect

I started this post back about a week or so after my last post. Can that really be 6 months ago. Life goes by so quickly, I'm not even sure who'll read this post but I thought I'd write anyway. This last few months has been filled with lot's of activities, joy, and trials.

The day after we got back from our very fun filled trip to Disneyland, I landed in the emergency room with a new complication to my on going chronic illness. This newest complication was something that we hadn't experienced and we were faced with many unknowns. One of the things I do when I'm faced with a new trial in my life is ask Brett to take me to the beach. Something about the beach brings me close to God, sitting in the middle of the sand and watching his power displayed in the ocean it just brings me peace.

This visit was a bit different though. Back in August part of my complications was my right lung cavity filled with fluid and I couldn't breathe very well. So instead of my walk I usually take I sat and took pictures of my husband and daughter play in the waves. It gave me joy to watch them, because seeing the bond between them is such a gift for all 3 of us.

It wasn't until I got home until and looked through the photos that I discovered a lesson from God. At first the pictures showed me how Brinn had grown to love and trust Brett.....

When they first met Brinn was very cautious about her trust with Brett. She allowed very little contact. Then over time she would sit closer to him and even put his hand on his leg or maybe hold his hand. Testing to see how he would respond.

Then as time passed she began to sit in his lap, or asking him to play with her by wrestling or playing tug a war. Brett always allowing her to ask for the contact never pushing his love on her.

Then came the day when she started to hug him, and asking him to carry her, even to the point of falling asleep while he carried her or as she slept on his lap.

Then the day came, when she started to run to him and hug him, the day she asked him if she told him she just wanted to call him Daddy. Over the years she has grown closer and now knows her earthly father was given to her by God and the he will do whatever he can to protect her and love her. That even though she's not his biologically that she's his daughter not just by adoption but by the love in his heart for her.

When I saw these pictures I first thought what a beautiful picture of how they have grown together, and was thanking God for answering a prayer beyond what I could have ever imagined. Then God spoke softly and sweetly to me, "do you see the other picture I'm showing you. Look again there is something more in those pictures." I stared at these pictures there it was the lesson God was showing me.

This was my relationship with God. When I first came to the Lord, I was in turmoil, a new Christian with no understanding really of who and how powerful our God is. (I'm still learning that) So I reached out to him cautiously but desperately hoping he would respond to my cries. As my relationship has grown with God he's patiently waited as I learned to trust an rely on him, and learning how to rest in him.

Honestly it's something I learn to do everyday. The fall came with many new challenges for us. Brinn's little school suddenly had to make changes into the teaching staff right before school, sending a wave of unsure time through the kids, and the parents. Then October and November brought Brett 3 root canals and one of them abscessed causing him great amounts of pain. Which forced us into a spot of having to bring Brett through a time of using pain killers in a way that was safe. Not to mention the amount of money that those can cost and no dental insurance. God was faithful and carried us over those trials. Christmas quiet and fun, then New Years morning was an unexpected challenge arose. I ended up being taken from the house in an ambulance and was admitted to the hospital for a ruptured blood vessel in my esophagus and what given a transfusion for blood loss, as well as being in the hospital for 4 days.

So as I sat home, and recovering from my second surgical procedure to repair the damaged vein, I kept thinking of these pictures. Especially the last one, I just need to run into God's arms and let him lift me above the waves. He has blessed me in amazing ways, Brett, Brinn and I had so much support we couldn't have asked for anything more. Brinn always has safe and loving people who will pick her up, take her over night, spend time with her. Even her sweet friends running up to me and telling me they were glad to see me and asking me if I'd be okay. That Brinn could come stay overnight at there house too. Friends bringing soup, praying for us, checking on Brett. Of course our family here at the drop of a hat.

I'm not sure what trial you maybe facing but I know that God is waiting for you to run into His arms so He can hold you and keep you safe. The trial doesn't always go away. My health has been a trial for 9 years this month, one that God has been right by my side through. For whatever reason he has chosen to leave this illness in my life. I've learned to not ask God for reasons, just to ask that he use it to glorify Him, and when that time is done that He remove this disease from my body.

So hear is my verse I keep it close to me, may it bring you peace.

The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble.

He cares for those who trust in him... Nahum 1:7

Be back soon,

Carol

Wow that was a long break.

Hello all my dear friends in bloggy land. I'm sorry I've been away for so long. I meant to post at least once a month this summer, but life just seemed to go a bit crazy. Thank you so much for the prayers for my cousin Hugh and his wife Michelle.

Hugh is doing amazingly well. It has been such an unbelievable journey, and this accident has changed the life he and Michelle thought they were going to have, but they have been strong holding each other together, and have a simply wonderful group of people surrounding them with love. Sadly my cousin along with many other broken bones, lost his leg from the knee down, but has so much determined it makes the doctors amazed. Please continue to pray for him and his wife. They still have a long road of physical therapy, and learning to live this new life. This is the website of his story and the journal of his recovery if you would like to here more about his story. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/hughster This is Brinn with her cousin Hugh. There have a special bond they share the same birthday. This was taken at a BBQ that Hugh and Michelle through for Hugh's village on October 18th. That was a group of friends and family that brought meals, and did many other things so that Michelle could concentrate on Hugh and his care.

Hugh told Brinn yesterday that they needed to have a big birthday bash next year, since he didn't get to celebrate his this year. She's also excited because Hugh said he'd teach her to fish. I'm not sure if she realizes that includes live bait or not. This next photo is my cousin Deanna, another amazing story, and one of my inspirations. She's Hugh's sister, and then me on the other side. Deanna is a couple months younger than me, and we are 3 of 4 younger set of cousins in my family. Sadly Darcy lives in Florida, so we don't have her in this shot. But she promised on Facebook next summer to come visit.

So after Brinn's birthday which was the last entry, Brinn went off to camp for a week. It was her first ever stay overnight camp. It's called Camp Hammer, she had fun and still talks about it. the jury is still out on if she wants to do it again. It's a Christian Camp up in the Santa Cruz Mountains, and she did great. She went there without knowing a sole, and ended with some fun memories and friends.

This is Brinn with the Pastor from Camp first thing she told us was how awesome he was. "Daddy you'd like him he's as good as Dr. McArthur" She told us all about the story of Joseph the subject he taught on through the whole week, was Faith. Brinn's favorite activity was the night games. She loved them.

It was also the first time ever for Brett and I to have a week completely by ourselves. Being a premade family, you forget that not everyone starts out with a child. So what did we do. Well Brett got this done. It's his one and only tattoo, but he'd been wanting one for a long time. I designed it. It's been interesting to see the reactions. Leo the tattoo artist pumped it up from my drawing, he made the cross all rugged. Some people just stare at it, some people just have to ask what is that word. "Tetelestai" John 19:30. Brett loves when people ask. He tells them it's what Jesus cried out on the cross before He gave up His Spirit, it means "It Is Finished". Jesus took on all sin of the world and finished Satan's hold on us, when He gave His life on the cross for you and me. It's very interesting to see peoples reaction to Brett's boldness. He's already thinking about the next one for the other arm. In answer to the next question No, I didn't get one. At least not yet *wink*. The rest of the time we went to dinner, went for a bike ride, took the dog for walks, and watched movies.

July was filled with various activities of day camps, one in which our church put on besides VBS, which was amazing in itself. This Adventure Camp, Brinn was a secret agent the first day, a painter the second, a scientist the third, a photo journalist the fourth, and on the fifth day she was a rock star. Her and her friends were able to record a song at our churches recording studio, and all the kids got a copy of the CD made. Pretty cool. I also took Brinn and her very special buddy Olivia for an overnight to the Embassy Suites, we celebrated Brinn's 10th birthday. They loved running around the hotel, swimming in the indoor pool, jumping on the beds, and the indoor gardens. Getting stuffies didn't hurt either.

Brinn took a big step out of her comfort zone this year. She's always gone to the same Summer Program at the school she goes to every year, this year we wanted her to try new and different things. So besides the big jump to Camp Hammer, she also broke through her stage fright. She went to a 3 week drama camp. Our families pastor wife Michelle, has an amazing gift in this and directs children's musicals for one of the school districts here. With her help we convinced Brinn to try the drama camp, and be in the Jungle Book Kids, Musical. Well not only did she perform in the background jungle animals, but she got the part of Shanti, the girl that takes Mowgli into the man village. She surprised us by her performance along with all the friends and family who came. She had a great time, and they worked really hard. It was very impressive, that the show these kids put on was put together in 3 weeks. They practiced 6 hours a day 5 days a week for 3 weeks. Here are a couple pics of her with us and her friend, and one with her director Michelle McCormick.

The next morning we left for our big event of the summer a family vacation. A real vacation, a go away and stay in a hotel vacation. The key thing was, we didn't tell Brinn our destination, all she new is we were going down to Southern California. The only thing we did tell her was we were going to go listen to Dr. John McArthur at Grace Community Church, her response was "That'll be interesting, are we going to do anything fun?" We told her their was an amusement park we may go to, and then we'd just see how the rest would go.

So here she is on our road trip down to So. Cal. She had no clue that our real destination was Disneyland. We drove right past it she was so wrapped up in what she was watching she didn't even see it, and when we got into the hotel lobby (and it was an extremely inexpensive hotel) she was very disappointed in the hotel. Then she was even more disappointed by the room, which I have to agree smelled funny. So we unloaded the car packed our backpacks, and headed to dinner. She saw all the banners celebrating Disneyland's 50th birthday, and as we walked right past Disneyland and the entrance, her mood went from a bit disappointed to bummed out. At that point we thought she'd figure it out, but she'd asked before school got out if we could go to Disneyland and we told her we couldn't afford it. So in her mind there was probably no way that we could go.

Then I told her she could pick anywhere she wanted to go and eat for dinner. Turning her toward Disneyland and said anywhere (except McDonald's) so guess where she picked. If you said Disneyland you were wrong. Captain Kid's Buffet, yep standing across from Disneyland she picks possibly the worst restaurant we've ever eaten at (should have let her pick McDonald's). Brett and I just looked at each other shrugged our shoulders and in we went. So finally after sitting down and eating, we decided to let her in on the plan. This is how the conversation went.

Me: Boo, Dad called ahead, and it turns out Dr. John McArthur is not in town this week, so we can't go see him speak. (we really were going to go on the Sunday if he was there)

Brinn: Oh, that's sad, I was kinda looking forward to actually seeing him instead of just listening to him on the computer.

Me: Really, your disappointed.

Brinn: Uh huh I like him. Mom this food is gross.

Me: Yeah, don't eat it if you don't like it. So anyway we came up with a back up plan. Dad and I got tickets to spend 5 Days in Disneyland instead. I hope that's okay.

Brinn: (Eyes really big) Serious, Oh my gosh you are the greatest parents ever.

Me: You didn't really think we'd take you stay in a grubby little hotel right across from Disneyland, and not take you did you.

Dad: Yeah, what kinda parent would do that.

Brinn: Well I thought we couldn't afford to go. So when are we going? Are we going in the morning?

Me: Nope, we are going right now, as soon as your done with dinner.

Brinn: Yes! you guys are the best, I'm done let's go!

Dad: (singing) We're going to Disneyland.

Brinn: Daaaad, someone might hear you.

Somethings don't change.

So here are some highlights.

Now there is a story behind the Star Wars pics. Brett is a huge Star Wars fan, everyone who knows us knows this. I was too, it just didn't carry quite so heavily into adult hood for me. We even played the theme music from the Throne room scene at the end of the original movie at our wedding as we walked back down the aisle together. Anyway Brinn has grown up with Star Wars everywhere in our house. She loves it, along with a few of her friends. So the first ride we went on was Star Tours (which is a Star Wars ride) Brinn's favorite part of the park is Tomorrow Land. She wanted nothing to do with the princesses, or being in Fantasy Land with all the classic Disney stuff. It was Star Tours, and Space Mountain every day. The back pack is her favorite souvenir. Yes it's R2D2, let me tell you she wore that thing everyday, and everyone commented on it. She only wanted a mickey mouse shirt with him as a Jedi and we all three had to get mini light sabers. Mine's purple. The pictures with Darth Vader, and the Storm Trooper were the only two characters she was interested in standing and waiting for. The others well "mom the lines are two long."

So there you have it how I spent my summer. It was busy, and vacation was a blast. On a last note I did end up in the ER twice after we got home from Disneyland. My liver disease developed two more complications, and it was a rough go around for us, but God as always speaks through the good and the difficult. I'll save that for another post. So I hope to get back to blogging more regularly now, you can keep up with me to on Facebook.

Blessings to you all. Talk to you soon. I'll be around to check up on your blogs soon.

Carol

Thank you Dad! Thank you to our soliders!

This is the day we all need to remember that many of the men in our life, and the lives of others served to keep our country safe. I share with you a picture of my dad Donald R. Anderson. This is during WWII. My dad would have been in his early 20's. Separated from all the comforts of home, he was stationed in Greenland, I believe.

My father served in WWII and the Korean War. My dad spent a total of 4 years in Korea some prewar, where he left my mom shortly after they married, and then when my brother's and sisters were little. Dad spent 20 years in the Army, traveled with and without his family, and retired a couple years before I was born. He was a Cheif Warrent Officer in charge of weapons. This means he and his men followed the front line and supplied the with the weapons they needed to do their jobs, it also means he came upon the aftermath of all the battles. The position my father held, gave him a blood disordered, brought on by exposure to improperly contained chemical weapons. (yes they had them back then) This blood disease contributed to his early death. So in a different way he gave his life for our country.

My father in law, served in the Viet Nam War, which I'm sure has left many memories to contend with for him. My brothers, and two nephews have all served in the military. Some during peace time, and my one nephew recently out of the Army in Iraq. I have cousins who's sons have served in both Iraq, and Afghanistan, one of them gave his life in Iraq. Brinn's best friends brother is now preparing to be posted in Iraq, and we pray for his safety. Many friends, and their children are serving our country and I can not express the gratefulness I have for them and their families for the sacrifices made by them.

I hear a lot of negative talk about this country, and yes we need to pray for our country. God has richly blessed this nation, and by His grace and mercy he has allowed us to live in a nation that is about freedom, and that freedom is upheld by God, and our soldiers. So despite your opinions on politics, or the war, please remember to lift up our soldiers and their families in prayer, they give up so much to protect us. Many miss the birth of their children, seeing first steps, hearing first words, wedding aniversary's, birthdays, holidays, or saying goodbye to a loved one when their time on Earth is done. They need our love, they need to know we care for them, when you see one tell them thank you. Ask them if you can have their name to pray for their safety. Let them know they are not forgotten.

Thank you to all the men and women out their who either serve in our military or have a loved one who does. May God protect and cover each and everyone of you with his mighty hand, and give your strength, courage, and peace.

Carol

ABC of the Word - I

I am catching up on my ABC's of the Word. Only a mere 3 weeks behind, remember to go check out our hostess Pat at Grey Like Snuffie

"I"

I will walk amoung you: I will be your God, and you will be my people."

Leviticus 26:12 NLT

This verse is of great comfort to me, it reminds me that God is always walking with me through all my days filled with peace and my days filled with trials. That the Almighty God sees me as His.

Love,

Carol

The Pressure's On -- Chapter 4

Well it's back to the routine almost, I'm posting tonight on Chapter 4 in our Yes to God study hosted by Lelia. We are in the book An Untroubled Heart, by Micca Campbell. Once again Micca's book has given me much to reflect on in my life. I can say that I've been under the pressure and stress before and God has always pulled me through. What do they say, as believers we are either in the midst of a trial, just coming through one, or getting ready to enter one.

I can't say that my life is pressure free, but I don't feel like I'm in a trial at this point, as some of my friends. I'd say we are more on the just coming through one stage. So I was struggling with how to share with you all. I think my favorite part of this whole chapter was all the reference to:

Psalm 23.

A psalm of David.

1 The LORD is my shepherd,

I shall not want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside the still waters,

3 He restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness

for His name's sake.

4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil, for You are with me;

Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil; my cup runs over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the LORD Forever. (NKJV)

(bold emphasis mine)

Goodness and Mercy, Micca introduces them as our bodyguards. What a visual that is, since reading that I picture these two mighty angles with me all the time. These bodyguards represent God's promise to us. No matter what we face they are with us, God is with us.

So what does Goodness as a bodyguard look like? Micca shares this,"The biblical concept on concrete experience of what God has done and is doing in the lives of His people. The goodness of God is experienced in His creative work, saving acts personal deliverance, and freedom from captivity of things such as fear, anxiety, pride, malice, and sin. God's goodness is extended in His name, His promises, His gifts, His provisions, and His providence in shaping personal and world events."

What about Mercy? "According to the dictionary, mercy means kindness or forgiveness to somebody you have power over or the easing of distress or pain. The biblical concept of the word mercy always involves helping those who are in need or distress. It's clear from the descriptions that Goodness and Mercy are God's aids that rush to our rescue when we are full of anxiety and in need."

Powerful stuff isn't it? There is so much more in this chapter, but tonight I feel the leading of sharing a story as discreetly as possible of a family we know, who we found out today is going through a trial that just left me in thought and pondering all through the day.

A family that we have grown to love and care for very much for the last 5 years is in what the world would call a rock and a hard place. They are a family strong in faith, and we have watched as God has lead them through many places that to people who don't know God would just give up on. So as I share this I also ask your prayers over this family. I can't give names, but we know God already knows who you are praying for.

We spoke with our friend and asked him how he was. Frustrated, mad, and stressed. You see he cares for and loves deeply his wife and family. He lovingly and diligently cares for his wife who suffers from an illness that has declined her health to the point of being wheel chair bound and needing care givers. He is not a wealthy man financially, but works hard to keep his family in a loving and safe home and fully intact. The children are smarter beyond their years and have also learned to lean heavily on God.

In order for our friend to work he must have caregivers for his wife while he's not there. In California state aid is available, and has been helping up until today. Today we found out that the state feels that he makes to much money to continue to provide her the assistance they need. He has at this point two choices quit his job, so he can be the caregiver, or divorce his wife so that she can be considered unable to provide for herself. The amount needed to cover the expenses is the equivalent to another entry level full time job, but of course that can't happen because they's need another caretaker for that.

As we talked with our friend today, we could see the great burden he feels. My husband and I walked with him arm and arm as we talked, listening. Our friend said two things, that made my heart leap, "I don't know how it'll turn out, but God always wins." Then he said, "even if God moves us to a one room shack, it'll be where God wants us to be and He will take care of us." I had to hold my tears. We talked more about the roads God has brought him down, but this one he said is the first one he just can't see past today. He can't figure out where the money will come from, but God does. We prayed and hugged. We prayed for his strength, his health, his wife's health, for their children's peace. Our friend is also having deep chest pains from this stress. We told him we will help in anyway we can, and we'll pray for others to step out in faith and help them as well. I wish you could meet his wife, she always shines God's love and faith in her smile.

I honestly don't know how this will turn out, I just kept reminding myself all day that God see's the picture much bigger than I do, and nothing is beyond Him. I know one thing those bodyguards Goodness and Mercy are encamped around my friends home. Micca reminds us that " What we can count on are His agents of Goodness and Mercy for deliverance and provision. Sometimes they show up in unexpected ways."

Today as my thoughts would stray back to my friends, I went through a wave of emotions. I'm the first to admit that as far as California goes, it's system is messed up. Money goes in all the wrong places, but I can't focus on that. It's a world system created by fallen man, and let's face it it's not getting any better. No I must take the anger and frustration that Satan so longs to feed, and turn it into praise and worship for my Mighty King, and Soverign Lord over All. Praise and worship because I have faith that God will take this situation and do glorious things for not only my friends family, but will be used to show His glory to so many people.

There is so much more to this chapter but I'm going to leave you with this, that no matter what pressure we are under, when we can't see past the pain, and fear and we don't know how this will work out, God does. We must lean into God during the times, this is when God refines us into the person we are suppose to be. This is the time when we need to ask people to pray for us and pray for us without ceasing. As my friend said today we must remember that "God always wins." He has gone before us and prepared the way.

Love,

Carol

ABC's of the Word - C

C Is our Letter for this week, and today the word God placed on my heart is

Comfort.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

This morning as I sat down to read my daily Bible, I was praying for comfort my husbands Grandmother, Betty. She's been in the hospital since Sunday morning with pneumonia complicated by emphysema, congestive heart failure, and she's 84. The doctors thought she would come home yesterday, but they kept her again last night. Right in the middle of my prayer my phone rang, it was my husband and Grandma's gotten worse he said. His mom is on her way to the hospital now. I asked Brett are you praying about Grandma, he said all day, I said I know your praying for Grandma, but are you praying to God for you about how you feeling about Grandma. His answer no, probably not. He's very upset over his Gma (that' s what he calls her), they are very close. He took his past Tuesday off and spent the day with her at the hospital, he loves to make her laugh, and he wanted to encourager and pray with her.

So I ask for prayers for Betty that God would comfort her and take the sickness out of her body, and ask for prayer for my husband Brett that he would feel comfort from our Holy Father.

Grandma was the woman who took him to church when he was little and prayed for him for his salvation. When we met, she told me that she'd been praying for God to bring me to her precious grandson for a long time. She loves to sit now and talk scripture with her precious grandson, I'm praying God will grant them some more time together.

May you all find comfort in the Lord today, and every day.

Love,

Carol

Fro more ABC's of the Word head over to Pam's at Grey Like Snuffies. Just click on the Rose at the top.

Weekends Never Go As Planned/Work, Health & updates and Prayer Request

First I want to let everyone of my blogin friends, just how truly blessed I am to have met you all, my life has been enriched, and God has used you in so many ways in my life to draw me closer to Him. Thank you for all the constant up lift in prayers, and beautiful comments you leave me. Just wanted you to know.

Well you know those weekends where you think you've got it all planned out and it turns out everything changes. Yep we've had one of those.

Friday turned out that Brinn got invited over to a friends to play after school, Brett already had plans to have a friend come over and watch one of their guy movies in the theater room. So instead of hanging at home, I thought cool I'll get my grocery shopping out of the way, and I can do it by myself. (I like going by myself, no one asking for this or that just get my list and go). So after I got home from the store, I headed over to my daughters friends. They live 3 streets behind us so I walked. It was about 8pm. Our other friends were there so we hung out and talked, next thing you know it's 10pm. It wasn't planned but it was fun.

Saturday morn, Brinn was up as usual and I got up around 8:30, then Brett about an hour later. Things seemed fine, we were planning to go visit our mom's after I got back from my WW meeting. While I was having my tea, Brinn says mom my shoulders really hurt, so I rubbed them. Then she says her forehead hurts like she banged it, and she was cold. Now Brinn is rarely cold, this is a girl who would wear flipflops and shorts all year round, and her idea of a winter jacket is a sweatshirt. Brinn is also notorious for spiking fevers out of no where, but the checked the thermometer and so she covered up with 3 blankets. Brett sent me to my meeting. When I left the meeting called home and yep she had a fever, 100.3. Stop at the store pick up some supplies and head home.

I sent Brett to visit his mom and his Grandma. Brett's grandma was in the hospital on Thursday she has ephasima and she's 84, and the ephasima is getting worse. Brett went over and had lunch with his mom, and then spoiled his Gma as he calls her with her favorite things.

Brinn's fever went all the way up to 103.6, and we had one stomach incident involving Gatorade fruit punch. And she slept on and off all day Saturday and Saturday night. So no church this morning and on and off fevers. She's on the road to feeling better, she's at about 101.00 and Tylenol seems to do the trick. Guess I'll be home tomorrow and lovin on my girl.

It's funny whenever Brinn gets sick I go back when she was a baby. It's just me and her, she wants cuddles and to be fed. With 103 fever she really is a bit wobbly so I indulge. She curls up on my lap, and falls asleep. I can't help but love it, and soak in the comfort of being able to protect her, and that she thinks I'm the best mom in the world. I realize the fact is it won't be long before she won't be able to fit in my lap and all the things that make her sad I won't be able to fix. I pray over my her all the time for the Lord to keep a hedge of protection around her.

Now I have a prayer request for Brett's grandma his mom called and she had to go back to the hospital again, she's having severe trouble breathing. We are comforted by Grandmas relationship with the Lord, and we don't know anymore than that are keeping her overnight. So right now we just ask for the Lord to comfort her, and for doctor's wisdom in treating her.

I want to thank all of you for your prayers regarding my work meeting. It did turn out well. Working for a company as small as ours, there can be some interesting tension. People tend to complain to each other then it filters around becomes gossip, and then blows up out of proportion. That's what was happening. But I soaked in God's word, and prayed to have His will, and His words and the meeting actually ended on a good note.

On another note, God has also answered the prayers offered for me regarding my health. In the 8 years since I've been diagnosed I have had the best test results I've ever had. Praise God!

So I hope all of your weekends were blessed.

Love,
Carol

Calm Down: I Have Stilled and Quieted My Soul - Ch. 7

Hi my friends, oh how I need this chapter tonight. I'm here for my weekly day late post of Yes to God, hosted by Lelia over at Write From the Heart. Stop over to see what others are sharing on this chapter. Now we are in Chapter 7, how to still and quiet our souls when anger comes into our thoughts.

The lack of control over what happens in our life, or how others act in our lives can be so frustrating. It reminds us just how little control we really have.

I love what Jennifer wrote here: "Control over the events of our lives is a pleasant day dream at best and a cruel fantasy at worst. Even so, we all seem ready to embrace the mirage." Isn't that the truth. I actually never gave much thought to my need to control things, before I surrendered control of my live to the Lord. I was not raised in a home where confrontation, or fighting was done. We were stuffers of our feelings, and anger was one of them. My mother always told me I was a born mediator, I much better at mediating other's problems and disagreements than I am at handling going head on with someone. That's how I controlled things, I'd mediate the arguments that came to me, like bargaining with someone that was mad. It's now what I do for a living as a property manager I mediate. My old manager use to tell me I was the only person she knew who could take someone who was seething mad because of something I told them they couldn't do, and by the end of the conversation they would leave smiling, happy about what they couldn't do and they thought it was their idea. Again control, well actually manipulation.

God however has shown me that I am a controller, and He stretches me alot by allowing situations that force me to only control the only aspects He has left under our control. My attitude, how I respond to circumstances, my choice to seek God, my choice to be still before Him, and my choice to acknowledge that God is in control and I'm not.

Jennifer reminds us of Psalm 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God. "It simply means we quiet ourselves by acknowledging that He is God and we are not. To do that, we must first accept that He has ultimate control and we don not. This is where ultimate peace resides."

So we need to be aware of the things that will block us from be able to be still. Those things that distract us and make us think we have control:

A Negative Mind-Set: or as Brinn and I's Tae Kwon Do teacher use to say Stickin Thinkin. We have to choose what our perspective of things will be. When something comes at me I tend to go to all the bad things that can happen first, or think of arguments to fight with before I even have had the conversation. Throwing gasoline on the fire, instead of God's soothing water as Jennifer says.

After Brinn was born, I had to make a choice about my attitude towards my ex husband. I could choose to let my anger control me and make it difficult regarding visitation, the divorce, and his soon to be new wife, or I could relinquish control to God, and let Him be my lamp. Being bitter and angry in the end would not have accomplished anything, and could have very well been disastrous to Brinn. I chose God's way I had to, but there were many times I tried to take control back, and then confess and give it back to God. Sometimes multiple times in a day.

Anger over Adversity: I love this quote from Jennifer "No one has given us an ironclad promise that life will be fair. It never has been, and it never will be. It is what it is, and it will be what it will be. Accepting that reality isn't the same as approving of your difficult circumstances. It's just being real. Your depression or rage won't make the bad things go away. Bad things really do happen to good people. Innocent people can be treated poorly. Life sometimes takes a wrong turn. Evil won't go away just because it makes you mad."

So true, don't you think. Life doesn't become a bed of roses, because you surrender it to Christ. In fact some of my greatest trials have been since I surrendered. Divorce, illness, financial loss, living through consequences you didn't completely create, and strife with people who don't believe in God's power. It's how you handle the trials and how you react to them that makes Christ evident in your life to you and others.

When Brett admitted all of his addictions, it was the most frightening feel of being out of control. There was absolutely nothing I could do. I could not make him stop taking pills, or stop looking at adult Internet sights. I could not force him into recovery, or to continue to stay sober, and I could not force him to be honest. I had no control over the situations, yet I had to deal with great consequences of his actions. Was that fair, no. So I had a choice, I could leave the marriage, society would have supported it, in fact many thought I should, or I could get on my knees and pray for God to give me strength, understanding, patience, help to forgive, and to fill my heart with love for my husband and not bitterness. Only God could change Brett, and He has. Only God could give me the strength to hang on to a marriage that trust had been dissolved and restore it to so much more than it ever was.

Stubborn Defiance: Hanging on to our anger steals your peace. You defiantly refuse to let go and the anger slowly turns to bitterness. One of things I've heard over and over is bitterness is the poison you drink yourself. It will ruin your life, relationships, and how you view yourself. It will lead you down paths you don't want to go. Stubborn Defiance is to say that God can't make a difference, that you can handle this, or I just don't want to change. It's right where the enemy wants you. "Absence of peace is not an 'I can't' situation. It's an 'I won't' problem. --- Letting go of anger may seem impossible, but my friend, it's not impossible at all. Not with an all- powerful God in your corner! Guard yourself from the belief that you can't and consider that the real problem might be that you just won't!"

This one is something I've had to work very hard on. Eph:4:32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. I soothe my soul with this reminding me that God has forgiven such ugliness in my life, and the sins I commit are as evil and wicked in the eyes of the Lord, as ones that I have experienced at the hands of others. So I cannot live in Stubborn Defiance and have my peace stolen from me, I have to pray and ask God to change my heart, pray for the one who hurt me, and then God restores my peace.

So tonight I started this post with how much I needed this chapter tonight. Well it's not a major deal, but this chapter really spoke to me today. My boss called me today and asked if we could have a meeting over lunch tomorrow, over some maintenance tension. What did I do I immediately starting throwing gasoline words in my thought closet. Fear, resentment, self righteousness all crept in and starting building a fire. I'm already assuming what will be said tomorrow, (you know what that makes me) and had myself all worked up by the time I got home I was really angry, not at my boss but at another coworker. So first I needed some corrective words, that may sting but are true. Like Carol you are not always right, and your defensive hackles are up over something that hasn't even been said, and may not be said. Then I need to find my Lords soothing water and put out the fire, so I can find peace. No matter what God is in control of all situations.

So I close tonight with the verse God gave me tonight that is soothing my soul, and in God's way of getting my attention He gave it to me through Brinn's memory verse this week for school.

God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. 1Peter 5:4

Farewell and Peace,

Carol

Oh yes if you would please pray for me and my work situation, that I would honor God in my meeting with my words, as I serve for Him as a witness to the people around me.

Prayer Request/ Weekend Things

First things first, could you all pray for my mom. She just had surgery yesterday on her elbow. She broke the tip off of it two weeks ago, and had to have extensive surgery on it. The surgery went well, but now it's recovery time. Mom's 80, and has auditory aphasia from a stroke, so it's hard for her to talk to people she doesn't know. She sounded really nervous to about staying in the hospital. She doesn't really remember the time she spent in the hospital when she had her stroke. So I'm asking for prayer for healing, and comfort. Also for God to strengthen my sister who takes her to all these appointments, and for my sister-in-law Jill who will care for her at home, while she's homeschooling 3 kids. Thanks everyone.

Well I had been planning to have my study done, but that didn't happen. So I'll hopefully post tomorrow. This weekend was busy, but it was that kind of busy where your like now what happened. We had friends over for dinner Saturday night and watched a movie. The kids played so it was a just a good evening.

I got a call from my niece Amy on Saturday, and she had some time off school and wanted to know if we'd be around to come over and get some help on her Senior Year Scrapbook, and spend some time with Brinn. So she came over Sunday afternoon. We did one scrap page, she really is a talented scrapper she just needed a boost. I asked about her college app, she wants to go to a private Christian College, and was invited to the early application process. She done everything except the essay. She said she said she was having trouble transferring what was in her brain to the paper. So I asked her if she wanted help, since I can usually transfer my thoughts into words.

The thing I enjoyed was the conversation with her about why she wanted to go to this school, and how the foundation of the schools biblical ethics would influence her. She shared with me when Jesus became her savior, not just the chosen faith of her parents. All of the community service and outreach she's done, and how it had impacted her. We even talked about the election, and the challenges of being in the world but not of it. She also gave me some insight on areas that Brinn will struggle with that I never did as a teen. I got to share with her, and she knows that I've had a lot of sin in my life, but as she gets older it's easier to share more openly with her.

So we got through the essay, and I told her now you have some thoughts, but make sure you get someone who's actually applied for a college to proof it and fine tune it. I have no idea what the schools look for, my college career was trade schools more or less, and some community college thrown in. I think I probably was more blessed by it than she was. So if you think of it pray for Amy, she's getting ready to leave the nest and go into a very sin filled world. Pray that God holds her close, and she holds close to God and continues to grow in that faith.

Thanks, and hope to post my Yes to God study tomorrow.

Love,
Carol