Wow I have an 8th grader.

It's amazing to me sometimes to look at this picture and realize my baby girl is not so little anymore.

This summer my daughter Brinn turned 13. A major milestone in life, she stepped into the world of teenagers in just a few short years she'll be getting ready for college and moving into a whole new chapter. But I still have 5 more years for sure of her at home.

I'm proud of my daughter. She is kind loyal loving and has a compassionate heart. Her faith is growing more and more and she makes choices with that in mind. She's not ashamed to call herself a Christian and say she loves Jesus.

We have a strong bond and I truly enjoy her and the friends she has. They make me laugh.

Now don't get me wrong Brinn isn't perfect and her dad and I are far from the perfect parents. Brinn is a lot like me so we know what buttons to push. Her room is messy and she doesn't have much interest in changing that. She's sensitive and gets her feelings hurt easy so my joking around or sarcasm can hurt her feelings. But we learn and forgive.

So I pray for my daughter as she grows. Wisdom to be a good and Godly parent. For her to be safe and to grow and continue to deepen her relationship with Jesus and for her future. School marriage and friends.

I know God is watching over us He always has.

Starting Over

So if any of my old blog friends are still out there and wondering what happened since 2010, you now know I didn't fall off of the face of the planet.  It's a very long story, and to keep it brief as possible.

In brief 2009 and 2010 were really difficult.  I hit a down hill slide in my health, I was in and out of the hospital and the ER from about Sept of 2009 through most of 2010. My husband's grandma went to be with the Lord in June (on my daughter's birthday) of 2010, he loved her dearly.  In addition my husband lost his job, like many to lay offs in October of 2010, I changed positions in my company to something that would be easier on my health.  I had a dear Aunt pass away from Cancer, then later her son was in a motorcycle accident and lost his leg.  (he is doing wonderfully now).

In 2011, my husband finally got some work although nothing near the income we had before, but it is a job none the less.  In March my mother went to be with the Lord.  It was sudden and unexpected but at 83 she had lived a life of many adventures.  I miss her everyday. 

We lost our home in July of 2011 and moved to were I work, forcing a change in schools for the second year in a row for our daughter who was going from 6 to 7th grade, and age that is already full of insecurity and new experiences.  Once again she had to navigate a new school and make new friends.

There were many other challenges along the way.  I don't share all this to sing you my pity party song.  (although there were plenty of days believe me when I looked to the Heavens and said really Lord, really do I have to do this too.)  I share it to tell you that even through the trials God is faithful.

I no longer have to drive to work, I walk 35 steps from my apartment to my office.  I'm close when my daughter is home, and she even comes and hangs out with me in the office sometimes.  Where we live now is so much easier to get to everything, before everything was a 15 minute drive and if it was commute time even longer, and now it's a shorter drive for my husband to his job. 

My husband has started to look at what his strengths are and how God is using this time too reshape him.  Also learning that giving up all the material things we sought after wasn't anything close to loosing people we love.

My daughter is now enrolled in the top rated middle school in the area, and is doing well with A's and B's.  She has a sweet group of friends, and has become even closer to her youth group friends.  She's even looks at some of the public school discussions from a biblical point of view and we discuss them at home.

As my health had been on such a decline it has forced me to figure out alternatives from the western medicine, and God has been bringing people in my life to help and encourage me through this.  He has also rekindle an old passion of mine from my child hood, and that is animal rescue. For me it's dogs, specifically the misunderstood "Pit Bull"  he has been teaching me the simplest sweetest lessons from some of the most abused and broken dogs. 

Old friends that I haven't seen and talked to in years are now apart of my life again.  They make me laugh and support me and we can just laugh together.  I've made many new friends, some that have made such a huge impact on my life and some I've only met but feel like I've known them forever.

There are so many things that have come from the difficult times but isn't that the way God works.  It's in our weakness and sorrows that we find healing and strength that can only be given by God.

God has moved me to start blogging again.  To share with you, my journey to a healthier lifestyle. From the way I eat to working my way back up to being physically fit.  The lessons and stories of the dogs and other things that touch my heart.  And my journey through Proverbs.

I have given my self a challenge, to really learn to gain my wisdom through God.  We started a series at church on Ecclesiastics and also includes the Proverbs.  My goal is to read all of the Proverbs 1- 30 each month, and really soak them in.  Different versions of text, and study notes, over the next year.  I feel like God has somethings he wants to show me, to guide me and help me understand the changes we've been through. 

If you want to check in and see what I'm up to please do.  I appreciate any positive feed back. 

So hope to see you all around here and there. 

Carol

A Lesson I didn't expect

I started this post back about a week or so after my last post. Can that really be 6 months ago. Life goes by so quickly, I'm not even sure who'll read this post but I thought I'd write anyway. This last few months has been filled with lot's of activities, joy, and trials.

The day after we got back from our very fun filled trip to Disneyland, I landed in the emergency room with a new complication to my on going chronic illness. This newest complication was something that we hadn't experienced and we were faced with many unknowns. One of the things I do when I'm faced with a new trial in my life is ask Brett to take me to the beach. Something about the beach brings me close to God, sitting in the middle of the sand and watching his power displayed in the ocean it just brings me peace.

This visit was a bit different though. Back in August part of my complications was my right lung cavity filled with fluid and I couldn't breathe very well. So instead of my walk I usually take I sat and took pictures of my husband and daughter play in the waves. It gave me joy to watch them, because seeing the bond between them is such a gift for all 3 of us.

It wasn't until I got home until and looked through the photos that I discovered a lesson from God. At first the pictures showed me how Brinn had grown to love and trust Brett.....

When they first met Brinn was very cautious about her trust with Brett. She allowed very little contact. Then over time she would sit closer to him and even put his hand on his leg or maybe hold his hand. Testing to see how he would respond.

Then as time passed she began to sit in his lap, or asking him to play with her by wrestling or playing tug a war. Brett always allowing her to ask for the contact never pushing his love on her.

Then came the day when she started to hug him, and asking him to carry her, even to the point of falling asleep while he carried her or as she slept on his lap.

Then the day came, when she started to run to him and hug him, the day she asked him if she told him she just wanted to call him Daddy. Over the years she has grown closer and now knows her earthly father was given to her by God and the he will do whatever he can to protect her and love her. That even though she's not his biologically that she's his daughter not just by adoption but by the love in his heart for her.

When I saw these pictures I first thought what a beautiful picture of how they have grown together, and was thanking God for answering a prayer beyond what I could have ever imagined. Then God spoke softly and sweetly to me, "do you see the other picture I'm showing you. Look again there is something more in those pictures." I stared at these pictures there it was the lesson God was showing me.

This was my relationship with God. When I first came to the Lord, I was in turmoil, a new Christian with no understanding really of who and how powerful our God is. (I'm still learning that) So I reached out to him cautiously but desperately hoping he would respond to my cries. As my relationship has grown with God he's patiently waited as I learned to trust an rely on him, and learning how to rest in him.

Honestly it's something I learn to do everyday. The fall came with many new challenges for us. Brinn's little school suddenly had to make changes into the teaching staff right before school, sending a wave of unsure time through the kids, and the parents. Then October and November brought Brett 3 root canals and one of them abscessed causing him great amounts of pain. Which forced us into a spot of having to bring Brett through a time of using pain killers in a way that was safe. Not to mention the amount of money that those can cost and no dental insurance. God was faithful and carried us over those trials. Christmas quiet and fun, then New Years morning was an unexpected challenge arose. I ended up being taken from the house in an ambulance and was admitted to the hospital for a ruptured blood vessel in my esophagus and what given a transfusion for blood loss, as well as being in the hospital for 4 days.

So as I sat home, and recovering from my second surgical procedure to repair the damaged vein, I kept thinking of these pictures. Especially the last one, I just need to run into God's arms and let him lift me above the waves. He has blessed me in amazing ways, Brett, Brinn and I had so much support we couldn't have asked for anything more. Brinn always has safe and loving people who will pick her up, take her over night, spend time with her. Even her sweet friends running up to me and telling me they were glad to see me and asking me if I'd be okay. That Brinn could come stay overnight at there house too. Friends bringing soup, praying for us, checking on Brett. Of course our family here at the drop of a hat.

I'm not sure what trial you maybe facing but I know that God is waiting for you to run into His arms so He can hold you and keep you safe. The trial doesn't always go away. My health has been a trial for 9 years this month, one that God has been right by my side through. For whatever reason he has chosen to leave this illness in my life. I've learned to not ask God for reasons, just to ask that he use it to glorify Him, and when that time is done that He remove this disease from my body.

So hear is my verse I keep it close to me, may it bring you peace.

The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble.

He cares for those who trust in him... Nahum 1:7

Be back soon,

Carol

Wow that was a long break.

Hello all my dear friends in bloggy land. I'm sorry I've been away for so long. I meant to post at least once a month this summer, but life just seemed to go a bit crazy. Thank you so much for the prayers for my cousin Hugh and his wife Michelle.

Hugh is doing amazingly well. It has been such an unbelievable journey, and this accident has changed the life he and Michelle thought they were going to have, but they have been strong holding each other together, and have a simply wonderful group of people surrounding them with love. Sadly my cousin along with many other broken bones, lost his leg from the knee down, but has so much determined it makes the doctors amazed. Please continue to pray for him and his wife. They still have a long road of physical therapy, and learning to live this new life. This is the website of his story and the journal of his recovery if you would like to here more about his story. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/hughster This is Brinn with her cousin Hugh. There have a special bond they share the same birthday. This was taken at a BBQ that Hugh and Michelle through for Hugh's village on October 18th. That was a group of friends and family that brought meals, and did many other things so that Michelle could concentrate on Hugh and his care.

Hugh told Brinn yesterday that they needed to have a big birthday bash next year, since he didn't get to celebrate his this year. She's also excited because Hugh said he'd teach her to fish. I'm not sure if she realizes that includes live bait or not. This next photo is my cousin Deanna, another amazing story, and one of my inspirations. She's Hugh's sister, and then me on the other side. Deanna is a couple months younger than me, and we are 3 of 4 younger set of cousins in my family. Sadly Darcy lives in Florida, so we don't have her in this shot. But she promised on Facebook next summer to come visit.

So after Brinn's birthday which was the last entry, Brinn went off to camp for a week. It was her first ever stay overnight camp. It's called Camp Hammer, she had fun and still talks about it. the jury is still out on if she wants to do it again. It's a Christian Camp up in the Santa Cruz Mountains, and she did great. She went there without knowing a sole, and ended with some fun memories and friends.

This is Brinn with the Pastor from Camp first thing she told us was how awesome he was. "Daddy you'd like him he's as good as Dr. McArthur" She told us all about the story of Joseph the subject he taught on through the whole week, was Faith. Brinn's favorite activity was the night games. She loved them.

It was also the first time ever for Brett and I to have a week completely by ourselves. Being a premade family, you forget that not everyone starts out with a child. So what did we do. Well Brett got this done. It's his one and only tattoo, but he'd been wanting one for a long time. I designed it. It's been interesting to see the reactions. Leo the tattoo artist pumped it up from my drawing, he made the cross all rugged. Some people just stare at it, some people just have to ask what is that word. "Tetelestai" John 19:30. Brett loves when people ask. He tells them it's what Jesus cried out on the cross before He gave up His Spirit, it means "It Is Finished". Jesus took on all sin of the world and finished Satan's hold on us, when He gave His life on the cross for you and me. It's very interesting to see peoples reaction to Brett's boldness. He's already thinking about the next one for the other arm. In answer to the next question No, I didn't get one. At least not yet *wink*. The rest of the time we went to dinner, went for a bike ride, took the dog for walks, and watched movies.

July was filled with various activities of day camps, one in which our church put on besides VBS, which was amazing in itself. This Adventure Camp, Brinn was a secret agent the first day, a painter the second, a scientist the third, a photo journalist the fourth, and on the fifth day she was a rock star. Her and her friends were able to record a song at our churches recording studio, and all the kids got a copy of the CD made. Pretty cool. I also took Brinn and her very special buddy Olivia for an overnight to the Embassy Suites, we celebrated Brinn's 10th birthday. They loved running around the hotel, swimming in the indoor pool, jumping on the beds, and the indoor gardens. Getting stuffies didn't hurt either.

Brinn took a big step out of her comfort zone this year. She's always gone to the same Summer Program at the school she goes to every year, this year we wanted her to try new and different things. So besides the big jump to Camp Hammer, she also broke through her stage fright. She went to a 3 week drama camp. Our families pastor wife Michelle, has an amazing gift in this and directs children's musicals for one of the school districts here. With her help we convinced Brinn to try the drama camp, and be in the Jungle Book Kids, Musical. Well not only did she perform in the background jungle animals, but she got the part of Shanti, the girl that takes Mowgli into the man village. She surprised us by her performance along with all the friends and family who came. She had a great time, and they worked really hard. It was very impressive, that the show these kids put on was put together in 3 weeks. They practiced 6 hours a day 5 days a week for 3 weeks. Here are a couple pics of her with us and her friend, and one with her director Michelle McCormick.

The next morning we left for our big event of the summer a family vacation. A real vacation, a go away and stay in a hotel vacation. The key thing was, we didn't tell Brinn our destination, all she new is we were going down to Southern California. The only thing we did tell her was we were going to go listen to Dr. John McArthur at Grace Community Church, her response was "That'll be interesting, are we going to do anything fun?" We told her their was an amusement park we may go to, and then we'd just see how the rest would go.

So here she is on our road trip down to So. Cal. She had no clue that our real destination was Disneyland. We drove right past it she was so wrapped up in what she was watching she didn't even see it, and when we got into the hotel lobby (and it was an extremely inexpensive hotel) she was very disappointed in the hotel. Then she was even more disappointed by the room, which I have to agree smelled funny. So we unloaded the car packed our backpacks, and headed to dinner. She saw all the banners celebrating Disneyland's 50th birthday, and as we walked right past Disneyland and the entrance, her mood went from a bit disappointed to bummed out. At that point we thought she'd figure it out, but she'd asked before school got out if we could go to Disneyland and we told her we couldn't afford it. So in her mind there was probably no way that we could go.

Then I told her she could pick anywhere she wanted to go and eat for dinner. Turning her toward Disneyland and said anywhere (except McDonald's) so guess where she picked. If you said Disneyland you were wrong. Captain Kid's Buffet, yep standing across from Disneyland she picks possibly the worst restaurant we've ever eaten at (should have let her pick McDonald's). Brett and I just looked at each other shrugged our shoulders and in we went. So finally after sitting down and eating, we decided to let her in on the plan. This is how the conversation went.

Me: Boo, Dad called ahead, and it turns out Dr. John McArthur is not in town this week, so we can't go see him speak. (we really were going to go on the Sunday if he was there)

Brinn: Oh, that's sad, I was kinda looking forward to actually seeing him instead of just listening to him on the computer.

Me: Really, your disappointed.

Brinn: Uh huh I like him. Mom this food is gross.

Me: Yeah, don't eat it if you don't like it. So anyway we came up with a back up plan. Dad and I got tickets to spend 5 Days in Disneyland instead. I hope that's okay.

Brinn: (Eyes really big) Serious, Oh my gosh you are the greatest parents ever.

Me: You didn't really think we'd take you stay in a grubby little hotel right across from Disneyland, and not take you did you.

Dad: Yeah, what kinda parent would do that.

Brinn: Well I thought we couldn't afford to go. So when are we going? Are we going in the morning?

Me: Nope, we are going right now, as soon as your done with dinner.

Brinn: Yes! you guys are the best, I'm done let's go!

Dad: (singing) We're going to Disneyland.

Brinn: Daaaad, someone might hear you.

Somethings don't change.

So here are some highlights.

Now there is a story behind the Star Wars pics. Brett is a huge Star Wars fan, everyone who knows us knows this. I was too, it just didn't carry quite so heavily into adult hood for me. We even played the theme music from the Throne room scene at the end of the original movie at our wedding as we walked back down the aisle together. Anyway Brinn has grown up with Star Wars everywhere in our house. She loves it, along with a few of her friends. So the first ride we went on was Star Tours (which is a Star Wars ride) Brinn's favorite part of the park is Tomorrow Land. She wanted nothing to do with the princesses, or being in Fantasy Land with all the classic Disney stuff. It was Star Tours, and Space Mountain every day. The back pack is her favorite souvenir. Yes it's R2D2, let me tell you she wore that thing everyday, and everyone commented on it. She only wanted a mickey mouse shirt with him as a Jedi and we all three had to get mini light sabers. Mine's purple. The pictures with Darth Vader, and the Storm Trooper were the only two characters she was interested in standing and waiting for. The others well "mom the lines are two long."

So there you have it how I spent my summer. It was busy, and vacation was a blast. On a last note I did end up in the ER twice after we got home from Disneyland. My liver disease developed two more complications, and it was a rough go around for us, but God as always speaks through the good and the difficult. I'll save that for another post. So I hope to get back to blogging more regularly now, you can keep up with me to on Facebook.

Blessings to you all. Talk to you soon. I'll be around to check up on your blogs soon.

Carol

My Little Girl Turned 10 Today / Urgent Prayer for my cousin

***Prayer Request, please pray for my cousin Hugh, he was in a serious motorcycle accient today. It's also his birthday, he's in the hospital having emergency surgery they are trying to save his leg. He also has a broken arm, and broken ribs. Thankfully his head seems to be free from injury and no internal bleeding was found. He and his wife Michelle just got married, please pray strength for her as well****

Today was my sweet Brinn's bithday. Yes 10 years ago I was blessed by God with the gift of a beautiful baby girl. Have I ever told you that Brinn's name has the meaning of Salvation. I picked it out before I even knew the Lord, but God knew. He also knew that my love for my baby girl would bring me to love and finally understand the great gift He sent to us in His son Jesus.

So here she is a newborn (sorry about the photo quality the first few pictures are scrapbook pages, and Brinn was born before I had a digital camera) She weighed in at 8lbs even and 21.5 inches long. Eighteen hours of hard labor, and then an emergency C-Section. She was face up and the cord around her neck, but she came out screaming and then peed on the nurse. (One of Brinn's favorite stories.)

She's about 4 months old in the picture above.

Brinn going to the pool at about 13 months old.

And those everyday moments from about the age of 2.

Then we move on to the age of about 5. Brinn loves the beach.

Brinns many stages of loosing those baby teeth.
So just a few blast from the past with Brinn now to todays event. I picked up Brinn from VBS at church at 12. Brinn was super excited, because she new we were going to take her to lunch, and she'd finally get to open her presents. We've been telling her that we hoped she likes the socks and underwear we got her. She kept saying "you did not get me socks and underwear." (hehe)

This is Brett and Brinn and the Peninsula Creamery in Palo Alto. It's been around since 1928, and as a side not it is not a Weight Watcher friendly menu. So much for my extra points this week. Below is the 3 of us. Brinn just started in on her presents.
Brinn's favorite color is green. She loves it and wants everything in Green. She's been asking for a Nintendo DS for about a year, and finally convinced me that she would actually play it. The part she didn't like was that they don't come in green. Silver, black, red, blue, and pink but no green. So around April sometime Brett and I were in Target (love that place), and low and behold Nintendo brought out a limited addition Green (the exact neon green she loves) DS, and it came with a case and a cooking game. So we bought it and shoved it in our secret hiding place, and waited for her birthday. So the first gifts she opened were her DS, and the two other games we got her. She was so excited, and had it out of the box and playing it before the food arrived.

So here is the next part of the story. On Easter break Brinn decided that she wanted to save up money for an ipod nano. So she started working on filing and different things in my office, when she's been at work with me. She'd saved up $60.00, plus had about another $25.00 or so she'd saved up for. Then she started getting birthday money, and she'd figured out pretty quick that she'd save enough for her ipod. So here is the kicker, Brett had a really big side job, and decided that she'd done a good job saving, so we bought her the green (of course and yes she's spoiled) ipod nano. Brett for the last 2 weeks has been sneaking her CD's in the house and uploading them to her ipod, and then adding some digital copies of movies for it.

So since she was so sure she wasn't getting socks and undies for her birthday, guess what I ran out and got today. Yep socks and undies. So after we ate we asked Brinn is she wanted to open the rest of her presents, she said yes. We usually get her small things like CD's, toys, you know the usuall. But this was her reaction when she opended the first present on the top of the bag.

As Brinn would say "Oh no you didn't" Oh yes I did undies, she was really not happy but, I said look honey they are wedgie proof. .
So the next present was a couple of little cami bras and a tank top. She wasn't quite as upset as she was about the undies. I reminded her that we must be greatful for all things large, small and especially the everyday things we are blessed to have.

Then she opened her next gift which was a S.F. Giants hat girl style. Which she loved. Brinn loves hats, I think she got that from my brother. The hat I wrapped in a dog food box, she looked a bit confused when she saw that. So there was one gift left, I asked her if she liked the hat, "oh yeah mom it's cool, and thankfully it's not socks, I hate socks". This is true, she's never liked them not even as a baby. Brinn would wear flip flops in the rain, she only wears socks, because I make her wear them with her tennies, which she'll only wear if required.

So we pull out the next and last gift. She feels it it's soft and squishy. She says "it's clothes". Well she was half right, then she opened it and found yep socks. "Socks!", then the socks fell open. I had shoved the iPod between the two pairs of socks. She was super excited, sadly my camera froze at the moment, but this one is still a good shot. (see the socks on the table)

So here she is with her new hat, and her iPod, getting ready to watch Phineas and Ferb.

Totaly zoned in walking to the car watching her show.

So what you may ask did she buy with her money. Well she bought a case to protect her iPod and keep it from getting scratched, she bought the new Jonas Brother's CD, and of course what every non girly-girl, buys a second Castle Legos battleship. She still has money left and a couple of gift cards. So we'll see.

What blessed my heart tonight though was when she prayed. We always remind her that everything we have has been gifted to us by the Lord. So tonight she thanked God for her birthday presents, and that He made them in green for her, because He knew that she would like them that way, because you created me and you know everything about me. It was a special day for us, and for Brinn.

Thanks for sharing it with us.

Love,

Carol

Family Matters - Chapter 5

I'm slowly catching up on my posts for Tuesday's Yes to God Book Study. I'm actually in the same week as the chapter. Next week I will hopefully be closer to on time. So if this is your first visit to my blog. Welcome. Yes to God is hosted by Lelia at Write From the Heart, you can cruise over to her blog and see other's thoughts on the book too. The book you may have guessed is An Untroubled Heart by Micca Campbell you can stop by her sight as well.

So let's start this chapter addressed our fears as it relates to our family. Okay I know I say I find tons in every chapter, but this one I think Micca wrote it for me. In the beginning she shares a prayer she wrote in her journal asking God to care and protect her children, and she expresses her great love for her children, a love she didn't know was possible to have. I remember when Brinn was a new born in the hospital with me. I had to stay 4 nights how I would just stare at her in wonder and amazement of how much I loved her. I was content to just hold her and watch her sleep. I was a one month old Christian, and I remember praying for God to protect us, provide for us, and to show me how to be the mother that would please him.

Micca shared a quote from Bible teacher Adrian Rogers that just completely soothed my fearful heart. "The Holy Spirit finds the desire of God and puts that desire in our hearts. When we pray for what's been laid on our hearts, it goes right back to heaven in agreement with God's will." When Brinn was born, I was a new mom, and as I've shared before about to become a single mom, and a newborn myself in Christ. I didn't know really how to pray, but I knew my desire was to raise Brinn to know Jesus and to raise her in according to how God would want me to. I only knew one scripture verse by heart. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. This was what I would repeat over and over, and I've clung to this verse ever since. God is constantly answering my prayer, the same prayer I still pray today. Teach me to be the mother (and now wife) you want me to be, so people will see you in me and in my family.

Micca asks us do we parent out of fear or faith? I thought about this for a long time. I will be honest most of the time it's been fear, but I'm learning more and more how to parent on faith. Micca said (and I can't phrase it better than this) "A mom's most precious treasure is her family. I know. I'm a wife and a mother. I can't think of anything in this world that I love more or would fight for more than my family." Speak the truth sister. "The battle is on" Micca says as we go up against the many outside influences that seek to steal our children's hearts and minds. This world is scary and dangerous and with out a firm foundation for our children a place of safety and comfort from the evil ruler in this world who wants to succeed in pulling our children away from us and Jesus.

God though is our "Master Builder" Psalm 127 "provides us with the tools we need to build a home that is protected, peaceful, prosperous, and pleasing to the Lord: Unless the Lord builds the house it's builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain."

We need to give our families and our home to the Lord, so that we don't get in God's way with our ideas of how to build a secure and safe home. Without God what we build is really just a facade like on the back of an old movie lot. Looks great from the outside, but when you walk through the door, there is no house just a false front put up to look good. "We let our anxieties about family get in the way of God's building work." There is no safety from the storms, no walls to keep the things that you want to stay out away, just a false sense of a home. "When we let fear get in the way, it's like trying to build without the correct materials. It's only when we place our rusty hammers and saws in God's hands that He is able to do what we fail to do in our best human efforts."

I remember when Brinn was small I had fears. Those fears were easily removed because she was little and she fully dependent on me. You are their protector and their comfort. Everything you say is right, their opinions are minimal mostly to their foods, and they love to hug you. Brinn would give me these hugs with her whole little body. She'd wrap her legs around my rib cage, her arms around my neck and squeeze with all her might. It was such a sweet loving way of expressing how much she loved me. At this age it was so much easier to keep the ugly of the world out.

(she was a little chunk of love)

Now though she's headed for preteen. Brinn will be 10 in June, and is full of questions, opinions, and even though she goes to a small private Christian School is still exposed to the draws of the worlds. She also is a great observer, she watches and listens to everyone around her, including us. Brinn has experienced much in her short 10 years, she's sees her mama go through extreme health issues, she's lost to divorce first a father, then a step mom, 1/2 brother, and step sister, who she misses. I got remarried, and we went from the two of us to the three of us. She went through Brett's addiction as well as his recovery and watched his redemption, and then her adoption by Brett. Through this whole time she was watching me and Brett and how we handle things, what did we teach her?

"We teach our children fear instead of faith when we try to live in our own strength instead of depending on God's ability." Honestly through most of the last 10 years I believe that she has seen more faith than fear. I find it easier to give my problems and desperate times over to God, but when it comes to giving control over to my Heavenly Father of Brinn I falter.

Where my fear comes in that God has been working on is wanting to protect Brinn from the pain I felt as a child and mistakes I made growing up. I Fear Junior High School, and all the changes that come with it. Let's face it she's not my little chunky monkey she was in the picture above. This is Brinn just a few weeks ago.

She picks her own clothes (she has full leggins on though) has her own taste in music, and her own ideas and intrests. I see a lot of me in her, and that SCARES me. This is where I must turn all of my fears over to the Lord, and God is teaching me that He will walk with my daughter. Remember those bodyguards from the last chapter Goodness and Mercy, well God's given Brinn those bodyguards to.

Paul writes "If God is for us, who can be against us? -- Romans 8:31, then Micca reminds us if we claim this verse we must live it out, in all things. "Our children shouldn't see fear in us. We can't say with our mouths that we trust God and contradict that trust with our actions."

So now I'm adding to my simple prayer, asking God to teach me when "to guard and not to guard, when to protect and not to protect, and when to trade fear for faith" and to continue to help me teach her in your ways. I love Micca's advice about teaching our children "how to use God's Word as a handbook for decision making." Teaching Brinn Philippians 4:8 is already been set in motion.

It was a hard for me when I realized that going to public school in Jr. High was part of God's plan for Brinn. I had wanted her to go to a private Christian Jr. High and High school. I pushed that on her which put a lot of pressure on her regarding school, and on us financially. I was afraid of the environment, afraid of the agendas being pushed out here. Then God reminded me "Carol I'm bigger than the public school agendas and systems" oh yes, my God is Big, and Goodness and Mercy are with my Brinn. Yes Brinn , will feel lonely the first few weeks of school, because she won't know anyone then she'll have fights with her friends, and encounter "sandpaper people". I won't know every teacher in the school or every child that she spends her day with, but God will and I know He loves Brinn more deeply than I ever can imagine. She will come home with ideas and wants that we'll disagree over, but that's part of her growing and part of me learning to let her become the person God needs her to be.

Lord I love you, and I'm grateful for the way you live with us in our home everyday. I know that you walk with us, and ahead of us wherever we go and wherever we are headed. Lord give the strength and courage not to try and take control of your work. I want you as my Master Builder, you as the rock our family and faith is built upon. I know that you have a plan for each member of my family, and your plans are always for your glory, and what is right for us. Thank you Father. Amen

Love,

Carol

Brett's Letter

I also wanted to share this letter that Brett wrote to the courts on why he wanted to adopt Brinn. (I couldn't find it this morning) Brett read this letter on a special Father's Day Dedication at our church, where Brett dedicated Brinn to the Lord and promised to raise her in the Truth of God's Word. This is a letter that expresses Brett's heart, and a little window into Brett himself.

Why I want to adopt my daughter Brinn Shemwell

Where do you begin a letter that involves one of the most important decisions and commitments that I will ever make in my life? If there is one thing I’ve learned in my 28 years of life on this planet it is to do all things in love. That’s what this letter is about my love for my most precious gift that God my father has given me the opportunity to do and that’s to adopt Brinn.

I will start with my own childhood experience which is similar to Brinn’s and that is my biological father left my mother, sister, and I the day before my ninth birthday. In actuality he hadn’t been there for several years before because he was devoting himself to another woman. The result of this was a lack of a father in my life, my sister’s life and my mom without a husband. I along with my family are still suffering from this loss today.

Over the years I have had low self esteem as a result of my fathers’ disappearance and had turned to the world for comfort. I found comfort in food, spending money and drugs to drown out my pain for many years.

I thank God that the story does not end there. Almost 6 years ago on March 4th I had my first date with my wife Carol and my daughter Brinn who was about 2 ¾ years old at the time. On our first date Brinn let me know she wasn’t going to share her mother very easily, because all night she would say to me “my mommy” in the most loving and serious tone. I look back now and I laugh because I can see God was telling me in the most simple way that if you want one you have to want both and I very much did. Six months later while out for ice cream Brinn asked me to be her Daddy and I tearfully agreed! On December 24th I asked Brinn if it would be okay if I married her mommy and she said yes, and Carol and I were engaged that evening. The three of us were married on May 16th 2003.

Over the next few years our pastor at the time would call us the perfect family in some ways we were, but in many other ways we were not, but what family is. Even though I still have issues from my past and current life to deal with I have always tried to be the best father for Brinn that she needs in her life.

I have talked about adopting Brinn for about 3 years now while learning what it means to be a parent who loves their child with his whole heart, a husband who loves his wife with his whole heart, and to love myself for who God created me to be and to love God. That being said I believe I am ready and fit to move forward in this adoption process. I have been given a new life as I have reached over 1 year of sobriety and turned all areas of my life over to God and he has blessed me more that I can tell you over the last year. I believe that God directs our steps and God has finally brought me on this journey and to the adoption of Brinn.

I want to adopt Brinn because she’s my daughter, the one who God has given to me. She’s my daughter in everyway but in a legal sense. Not only is she my daughter but she’s my friend, we have been through tough times together as a family, as a father daughter, and personal hurts and sadness. I have watched her grow since she was 2 ¾ years old to right now at the age of 8, we have laughed together, played together, run together, swam together, done homework together, been places together, and cried together, we have been a father and a daughter together. I try to give Brinn what every little girl needs from a father. I give her love, direction, purpose and security of knowing that this father won’t leave her. I would love to give her a father recognized through the legal system in order to give her a legal commitment in which she would be secure if something were to happen to her mother, (which is a possibility due to her illness of Autoimmune Hepatitis) that she wouldn’t loose the only father that’s cared for her. The adoption is also a statement of my commitment to her that I want the responsibility of being her legal father and I can only imagine the security she will get from that later in life.

The future is not promised to any of us, everyday we wake every breath we take is a gift from God. My wife and daughter are my 2 greatest gifts I’ve been given from God along with his saving grace. I Brett Lueckfeld pray that I will be granted the privilege of adopting Brinn, and being her father in everyway possible, in order to provide her a safe loving Godly upbringing that my wife and I want her to have.


Respectfully yours,



Brett Carl Lueckfeld

Happy Adoption Anniversary

It's hard to believe it's been 1 year since Brett's adoption of our daughter Brinn was finalized by the judge. Yes 1 year ago today on April 1st, 2008 Brinn was legally recognized by the government law as Brinn's Father. (No Foolin) A position that God had actually given and granted him 5 years earlier. I wanted to share pictures of that moment with you.

This is us in the judges chambers. She did all the adoptions. Brett's mom was there along with my friend Cynde, and Kim. Kim's two daughters went to school with Brinn and were adopted by Kim and her husband 2 years earlier, so she took them out of school that morning so they could be there to support Brinn. How sweet is that.

Here we are signing the papers. The judge asked Brinn if she wanted to have Brett adopt her and she said yes, he's already my daddy anyway.

Kim gave this bear to Brinn with a little shirt that says Happy Adoption Day, Brinn, and the date, the bears name is April. The judge had a bookshelf full of stuffed animals and little toys. When the adoption was complete and Brett was all signed up as official daddy. The judge let the 3 girls each pick a toy from the shelf.

Here we are with the judge. The stuffy Brinn picked is her monkey Momo. He's been her best bud this last year. Tonight we are off to Chili's Brinn's favorite restaurant to celebrate. I imagine Momo will come too. God has blessed us greatly.

When Brinn and I were on our own, I had accepted that it would probably be just her and I. I knew that God would be our husband and father. But God went beyond that. He answered my prayer that Brinn wouldn't have to endure a life of going back and forth between me and her bio father. He provided Brinn a whole family, and when Brett turned his life over to the Lord allowed him the sealing of our family through an earthly venue, and showed us His blessing over our family.

One of the hardest things we faced when we started the adoption process was telling Brinn that Pat had released his rights as her father. She hadn't seen him in almost 3 years, but the words that came from her broke my heart. She said with tears welling up in her eyes "He gave me away". At only 7 years old she figured out. Brinn was hurt and just didn't understand how come Pat didn't want to be with me and her. "Why didn't he want to be with us Mommy." Not an easy question to answere.

Through the adoption the Lord also provided something else that Brinn needed. That was a commitment to her that Brett loved her just for her, not because she came as part of the deal when he married me. It showed her that he would not leave her, that he choose her to be his daughter. Just as God our Father chooses us to be His children. Since that day Brinn's attachment and love for her daddy has changed. She grew to love Brett, but now she's different with him. She doesn't keep a distance between them, she's learning to trust her dad, that his commitment to her is real. I pray that she gives that same trust to her Heavenly Father.

Thank you Lord for your blessing of love upon my family.

I'm going to double up on my Yes to God posts. Things have been busy here. So I'll be by in the next few days to read your posts.

Love,

Carol

Has it really been 7 years?

Today is the 7 year anniversary of mine and Brett's first date. Seven years ago Brett came over to have dinner with Brinn and I. Brinn was a little more than 2 1/2 years old. I'll never forget thinking why would this young buck, then just 22, want to spend time with a 36 year old single mom. I had totally missed all the clues of him hinting around that he was interested in me. When he finally just came out and asked me, my first question was do you have any idea how old I am, because I knew how old he was. He guessed a lower age, and when I told him, he said doesn't matter to me. Then I said you realize I have a 2 year old, (that should scare him off I thought) I like kids he said. Then I told him that my daughter is always with me her bio father only sees her about twice a month for a few hours. He said that's okay with me. So I gave him my phone number, and after some long phone conversations, I figured I'd invite him for dinner to see what my life was like. He'd either leave and never come back, or he'd stick around.

So he came for dinner, not a very good one at that, and we had fun talking and he even endured Brinn's first year scrapbook (now that's a boy that wants to impress). The next thing I knew he was over all the time. Brinn took her time with him, and she made it very clear to him that I was her mommy, and sharing me was not something that she was going to do easily. Brett patiently waited for her to grow comfortable with him. Brinn discovered things that she'd look forward to Brett being over to do, and slowly grew closer and closer to him. So here we are 7 years later a family of 3. You just never know what plans God has for you.

I thought I'd share a picture of Brett and I at his mom's house on our first Thanksgiving together. My other pics were taken with film, and are in a scrapbook, so this was taken with my first digital camera.

And of course you have to see a picture of Brinn, around the same time. She wasn't quite sure what to make of the man eating dinner at our house that night. The only men that ate with us were her Uncles, so she spent most of the first night just watching him.

She's a quick study and learned pretty quick how to charm Brett and had him wrapped around her little finger with in a couple of months. Seriously who could say no to that face.

But at you can see by the time our first Christmas came they were growing closer together, and she'd even taken to calling him daddy Brett. Brett asked Brinn if he could marry her mommy on Christmas Eve and that's when we got engaged.

I never anticipated meeting someone and getting married again, in fact I was actually pretty content being single and just lovin on my sweet Brinn. God however had different plans, and I'm so glad that God didn't let my plans get in the way. God has blessed me with such a wonderful family. My heart rejoices at how much we've grown as a family, and how much God's love fills our home.

Carol