Stepping into the world of a plant based diet.

So it's been about two weeks, since I said goodbye to meat.  It's been interesting.  I've had to learn how to cook all new meals.  Now I wouldn't say I'm a gourmet cook, but I can cook and now I'm learning to adapt old favorites into meatless favorites.  If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook you may have seen some of my food pictures.

I've become totally passionate about this new way of life.  I've been reading websites, blogs, searching recipes and reading books.  My current favorite is The Engine 2 Diet, and blog. The author Rip Esselstyn a Texas Firefighter is the son of one of Caldwell B. Esselstyn, Jr. one of the doctors who brings us the video and cookbook Forks over Knives. Then their is my juicing website that started it all from the movie Fat Sick and Nearly Dead.  I love the way the simply share the information, and explain the health differences in eating a plant strong diet, vs the way America eats.  It makes me think of so many people who are suffering with chronic illness, cancer, and so many other problems that the diet we all consumed have either caused or contributed too.  I just want to share it with everyone.

So what have I've been cooking.  Well all kinds of things.  Since I'm gluten intolerant I can't use the whole wheat things, so that adds an extra challenge to some things.  So I've made pizza with polenta as the crust, and a portabella mushroom as a burger and a pizza crust.  Both yummy.

I've altered a few recipes from Skinny Taste website (another favorite website) that already has great Vegan and Gluten Free recipes.  I took her recipe for Chicken Enchilada Stuffed Zucchini, and altered into a vegan recipe.  It turned out really good.  I substituted the chicken filling for her Arroz Congri (Cuban Rice and Black Beans) and added the zucchini insides in the rice.  Next up I'm going to try making her Spicy Black Bean Burgers, just have to figure out how to substitute the eggs.  It's something new all the time.

I love cooking and juicing.  So here is sample of my daily diets.
Breakfast:  Oatmeal with fruit and Almond Milk and a juice made of carrots, apples, celery, beets, and a lemon.

Lunch:  (yesterday example) Portabella Mushroom pizza.  Mushroom for the crust, pizza sauce and veggies topping it off.

Dinner: sautéed grape tomatoes, carrots, green beans, bell-pepper, and onions, on top of Quina. And a juiced green lemonade.  Kale, lemon, apple, cucumber, celery and a bit of ginger.

Dessert: was frozen banana, strawberries, and pineapple all blended together in my food processor with a bit of Almond milk and vanilla.  It's like frozen yogurt but no added sugar, and it's so good.  I take the left over and put it in Dixie cups with Popsicle sticks and they make great frozen fruit treats.

Snacks: varies, nuts, cocoa and gogi berry bars,  fruit, cut up veggies and raw revolution bars.

Also I drink at least a liter of water a day and some herb teas.

So see it's not so bad.  But the best part is I feel better, and other people can see the difference.  I've lost 8 pounds without even trying.  People are telling me how good I look.  My skin looks better, my hair is looking better.  I now walk through the grocery store untempted.  I know what effect that Stoffer's Lasagna is going to do to me, or that I'll feel sick if I eat bacon and eggs things I use to love so much.

Are there things I miss of course.  Who doesn't love pizza, and burgers.  Going to the Giant's game I won't eat my hot dog however I will partake in the Garlic Fries, even though the grease will make my stomach feel yucky.  And if I do slip off the wagon, I'll just hop back on.  It's okay, I'll probably feel the effects right away.

So yes it's a challenge, eating out is very difficult, but possible.  I've had more people tell me they could never give up their meat of choice.  But for me it's all worth it.  I don't feel sick all the time, I don't need a nap when I come home for lunch two things I thought were just how I had to live feeling that way for the rest of my life.   Now I know I don't have to I'd say it's definitely worth it.

Check in with you all later.

Carol

Wow I'm going Vegan

What your a what?  I can hear it now from many of my friends, and even some family as I have always loved meat and cheese.  Where will you get your protein?  Not from meat.  Where will you get your calcium? Not from milk or cheese.

So the dietary changes have been happening since June 1.  I found out that my daughter and I can't tolerate wheat, gluten, and dairy.  So we began a journey to find foods to replace the things we use to eat.  Luckily God has put so many people in my path to help guide me through this.

With my health issues, my chiropractor and nutrition specialist have been encouraging me to eat as clean as a diet as I can.  Then they told me I shouldn't eat eggs.  Ok so good by to some of the things I enjoy again.

Now I must say my sister Phyllis, has been talking to me about diet and health changes for years.  My mom did as well.   I can remember being a kid in 1975 and being the only kid who ate whole wheat bread (the chunky kind) fresh ground peanut butter, no sugar cereal and this stuff called carob.  There were no whole foods just teeny little health food markets run by hippies and flower children.  Mom also gave me supplements.  Not Flintstones vitamins but actual swallow the pills and don't argue.  Little did I know how ahead of the game my mom and sister were.  Both of them become vegetarians, except they ate fish, and eggs.  (There's a name for it but I don't know it)

Recently I've watched 3 documentaries.  All about how eating the right foods a micro nutrient diet (plant based diet) can heal your body.  The first was Foodmatters , Fat Sick and Nearly Dead and Forks Over Knives each one is different but yet tells and shows evidence that the way America eats is making us sick, and if we eat micro nutrient vegetable based diet our bodies heal.  My husband was most intrigued with the last two, and had decided to make the change himself.  This is something I never thought would happen.

So now we are looking up Vegan recipes, juicing at least twice a day, and weaning away our unhealthy eating habits.  I'll let you know how it goes.  My goal is to get off my 6 medications, I've already been able to leave my stomach medicine behind.  Get my physical body in healthy shape through diet and exercises, but I'm not on a diet.  Although in a few months I do want to try a 10 day juice fast but I'm still weaning and adjusting to the changes I've made so far.

So what have I given up so far, well you read about the wheat, gluten, eggs, and dairy.  I also gave up coffee and all cafine drinks, soda, and this week processed and artificial sugars.  I'm seeking wisdom in prayer and the people God is bringing into my life.  I already feel better, I have more energy, my skin is starting to change, my water retention is reducing, and I've even lost about 4 lbs.  I'm not an expert but I would encourage people to check out the videos.  I want to be healthy, I want my husband to be healthy, and I want to teach my daughter to be eat healthy and that the food she puts in her body is just as important of a decision as all the other choices she'll make in life.  Our choices today always have an affect on our future.

Starting Over

So if any of my old blog friends are still out there and wondering what happened since 2010, you now know I didn't fall off of the face of the planet.  It's a very long story, and to keep it brief as possible.

In brief 2009 and 2010 were really difficult.  I hit a down hill slide in my health, I was in and out of the hospital and the ER from about Sept of 2009 through most of 2010. My husband's grandma went to be with the Lord in June (on my daughter's birthday) of 2010, he loved her dearly.  In addition my husband lost his job, like many to lay offs in October of 2010, I changed positions in my company to something that would be easier on my health.  I had a dear Aunt pass away from Cancer, then later her son was in a motorcycle accident and lost his leg.  (he is doing wonderfully now).

In 2011, my husband finally got some work although nothing near the income we had before, but it is a job none the less.  In March my mother went to be with the Lord.  It was sudden and unexpected but at 83 she had lived a life of many adventures.  I miss her everyday. 

We lost our home in July of 2011 and moved to were I work, forcing a change in schools for the second year in a row for our daughter who was going from 6 to 7th grade, and age that is already full of insecurity and new experiences.  Once again she had to navigate a new school and make new friends.

There were many other challenges along the way.  I don't share all this to sing you my pity party song.  (although there were plenty of days believe me when I looked to the Heavens and said really Lord, really do I have to do this too.)  I share it to tell you that even through the trials God is faithful.

I no longer have to drive to work, I walk 35 steps from my apartment to my office.  I'm close when my daughter is home, and she even comes and hangs out with me in the office sometimes.  Where we live now is so much easier to get to everything, before everything was a 15 minute drive and if it was commute time even longer, and now it's a shorter drive for my husband to his job. 

My husband has started to look at what his strengths are and how God is using this time too reshape him.  Also learning that giving up all the material things we sought after wasn't anything close to loosing people we love.

My daughter is now enrolled in the top rated middle school in the area, and is doing well with A's and B's.  She has a sweet group of friends, and has become even closer to her youth group friends.  She's even looks at some of the public school discussions from a biblical point of view and we discuss them at home.

As my health had been on such a decline it has forced me to figure out alternatives from the western medicine, and God has been bringing people in my life to help and encourage me through this.  He has also rekindle an old passion of mine from my child hood, and that is animal rescue. For me it's dogs, specifically the misunderstood "Pit Bull"  he has been teaching me the simplest sweetest lessons from some of the most abused and broken dogs. 

Old friends that I haven't seen and talked to in years are now apart of my life again.  They make me laugh and support me and we can just laugh together.  I've made many new friends, some that have made such a huge impact on my life and some I've only met but feel like I've known them forever.

There are so many things that have come from the difficult times but isn't that the way God works.  It's in our weakness and sorrows that we find healing and strength that can only be given by God.

God has moved me to start blogging again.  To share with you, my journey to a healthier lifestyle. From the way I eat to working my way back up to being physically fit.  The lessons and stories of the dogs and other things that touch my heart.  And my journey through Proverbs.

I have given my self a challenge, to really learn to gain my wisdom through God.  We started a series at church on Ecclesiastics and also includes the Proverbs.  My goal is to read all of the Proverbs 1- 30 each month, and really soak them in.  Different versions of text, and study notes, over the next year.  I feel like God has somethings he wants to show me, to guide me and help me understand the changes we've been through. 

If you want to check in and see what I'm up to please do.  I appreciate any positive feed back. 

So hope to see you all around here and there. 

Carol

A Lesson I didn't expect

I started this post back about a week or so after my last post. Can that really be 6 months ago. Life goes by so quickly, I'm not even sure who'll read this post but I thought I'd write anyway. This last few months has been filled with lot's of activities, joy, and trials.

The day after we got back from our very fun filled trip to Disneyland, I landed in the emergency room with a new complication to my on going chronic illness. This newest complication was something that we hadn't experienced and we were faced with many unknowns. One of the things I do when I'm faced with a new trial in my life is ask Brett to take me to the beach. Something about the beach brings me close to God, sitting in the middle of the sand and watching his power displayed in the ocean it just brings me peace.

This visit was a bit different though. Back in August part of my complications was my right lung cavity filled with fluid and I couldn't breathe very well. So instead of my walk I usually take I sat and took pictures of my husband and daughter play in the waves. It gave me joy to watch them, because seeing the bond between them is such a gift for all 3 of us.

It wasn't until I got home until and looked through the photos that I discovered a lesson from God. At first the pictures showed me how Brinn had grown to love and trust Brett.....

When they first met Brinn was very cautious about her trust with Brett. She allowed very little contact. Then over time she would sit closer to him and even put his hand on his leg or maybe hold his hand. Testing to see how he would respond.

Then as time passed she began to sit in his lap, or asking him to play with her by wrestling or playing tug a war. Brett always allowing her to ask for the contact never pushing his love on her.

Then came the day when she started to hug him, and asking him to carry her, even to the point of falling asleep while he carried her or as she slept on his lap.

Then the day came, when she started to run to him and hug him, the day she asked him if she told him she just wanted to call him Daddy. Over the years she has grown closer and now knows her earthly father was given to her by God and the he will do whatever he can to protect her and love her. That even though she's not his biologically that she's his daughter not just by adoption but by the love in his heart for her.

When I saw these pictures I first thought what a beautiful picture of how they have grown together, and was thanking God for answering a prayer beyond what I could have ever imagined. Then God spoke softly and sweetly to me, "do you see the other picture I'm showing you. Look again there is something more in those pictures." I stared at these pictures there it was the lesson God was showing me.

This was my relationship with God. When I first came to the Lord, I was in turmoil, a new Christian with no understanding really of who and how powerful our God is. (I'm still learning that) So I reached out to him cautiously but desperately hoping he would respond to my cries. As my relationship has grown with God he's patiently waited as I learned to trust an rely on him, and learning how to rest in him.

Honestly it's something I learn to do everyday. The fall came with many new challenges for us. Brinn's little school suddenly had to make changes into the teaching staff right before school, sending a wave of unsure time through the kids, and the parents. Then October and November brought Brett 3 root canals and one of them abscessed causing him great amounts of pain. Which forced us into a spot of having to bring Brett through a time of using pain killers in a way that was safe. Not to mention the amount of money that those can cost and no dental insurance. God was faithful and carried us over those trials. Christmas quiet and fun, then New Years morning was an unexpected challenge arose. I ended up being taken from the house in an ambulance and was admitted to the hospital for a ruptured blood vessel in my esophagus and what given a transfusion for blood loss, as well as being in the hospital for 4 days.

So as I sat home, and recovering from my second surgical procedure to repair the damaged vein, I kept thinking of these pictures. Especially the last one, I just need to run into God's arms and let him lift me above the waves. He has blessed me in amazing ways, Brett, Brinn and I had so much support we couldn't have asked for anything more. Brinn always has safe and loving people who will pick her up, take her over night, spend time with her. Even her sweet friends running up to me and telling me they were glad to see me and asking me if I'd be okay. That Brinn could come stay overnight at there house too. Friends bringing soup, praying for us, checking on Brett. Of course our family here at the drop of a hat.

I'm not sure what trial you maybe facing but I know that God is waiting for you to run into His arms so He can hold you and keep you safe. The trial doesn't always go away. My health has been a trial for 9 years this month, one that God has been right by my side through. For whatever reason he has chosen to leave this illness in my life. I've learned to not ask God for reasons, just to ask that he use it to glorify Him, and when that time is done that He remove this disease from my body.

So hear is my verse I keep it close to me, may it bring you peace.

The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble.

He cares for those who trust in him... Nahum 1:7

Be back soon,

Carol

Weekends Never Go As Planned/Work, Health & updates and Prayer Request

First I want to let everyone of my blogin friends, just how truly blessed I am to have met you all, my life has been enriched, and God has used you in so many ways in my life to draw me closer to Him. Thank you for all the constant up lift in prayers, and beautiful comments you leave me. Just wanted you to know.

Well you know those weekends where you think you've got it all planned out and it turns out everything changes. Yep we've had one of those.

Friday turned out that Brinn got invited over to a friends to play after school, Brett already had plans to have a friend come over and watch one of their guy movies in the theater room. So instead of hanging at home, I thought cool I'll get my grocery shopping out of the way, and I can do it by myself. (I like going by myself, no one asking for this or that just get my list and go). So after I got home from the store, I headed over to my daughters friends. They live 3 streets behind us so I walked. It was about 8pm. Our other friends were there so we hung out and talked, next thing you know it's 10pm. It wasn't planned but it was fun.

Saturday morn, Brinn was up as usual and I got up around 8:30, then Brett about an hour later. Things seemed fine, we were planning to go visit our mom's after I got back from my WW meeting. While I was having my tea, Brinn says mom my shoulders really hurt, so I rubbed them. Then she says her forehead hurts like she banged it, and she was cold. Now Brinn is rarely cold, this is a girl who would wear flipflops and shorts all year round, and her idea of a winter jacket is a sweatshirt. Brinn is also notorious for spiking fevers out of no where, but the checked the thermometer and so she covered up with 3 blankets. Brett sent me to my meeting. When I left the meeting called home and yep she had a fever, 100.3. Stop at the store pick up some supplies and head home.

I sent Brett to visit his mom and his Grandma. Brett's grandma was in the hospital on Thursday she has ephasima and she's 84, and the ephasima is getting worse. Brett went over and had lunch with his mom, and then spoiled his Gma as he calls her with her favorite things.

Brinn's fever went all the way up to 103.6, and we had one stomach incident involving Gatorade fruit punch. And she slept on and off all day Saturday and Saturday night. So no church this morning and on and off fevers. She's on the road to feeling better, she's at about 101.00 and Tylenol seems to do the trick. Guess I'll be home tomorrow and lovin on my girl.

It's funny whenever Brinn gets sick I go back when she was a baby. It's just me and her, she wants cuddles and to be fed. With 103 fever she really is a bit wobbly so I indulge. She curls up on my lap, and falls asleep. I can't help but love it, and soak in the comfort of being able to protect her, and that she thinks I'm the best mom in the world. I realize the fact is it won't be long before she won't be able to fit in my lap and all the things that make her sad I won't be able to fix. I pray over my her all the time for the Lord to keep a hedge of protection around her.

Now I have a prayer request for Brett's grandma his mom called and she had to go back to the hospital again, she's having severe trouble breathing. We are comforted by Grandmas relationship with the Lord, and we don't know anymore than that are keeping her overnight. So right now we just ask for the Lord to comfort her, and for doctor's wisdom in treating her.

I want to thank all of you for your prayers regarding my work meeting. It did turn out well. Working for a company as small as ours, there can be some interesting tension. People tend to complain to each other then it filters around becomes gossip, and then blows up out of proportion. That's what was happening. But I soaked in God's word, and prayed to have His will, and His words and the meeting actually ended on a good note.

On another note, God has also answered the prayers offered for me regarding my health. In the 8 years since I've been diagnosed I have had the best test results I've ever had. Praise God!

So I hope all of your weekends were blessed.

Love,
Carol

Chapter 8, Completely Loved and Accepted

Oh hi my friends, wow what a great chapter this is. So yes it's that time again my weekly blog Bible study Yes to God hosted by the amazing Lelia on the book by Lisa Whittle Behind Those Eyes. Let me tell you this has been an amazing journey, last week as many of you read was very draining for me, but after the post I felt so uplifted, and so much love from our Father, and he sent it to me from all of you my friends who commented, and a couple who email. This week, just let me tell you is just an awesome chapter. So here we go. As always Lisa's quotes from the book are in purple.

Lisa shared with us about her friend Christa who always knows the right thing to say, and this is a quote she always says to Lisa. Now I want all of you to write this quote down and then in giant letters put it on your bathroom mirror (because that's where we seem to rip ourselves apart), and anywhere else you think appropriate. "You are an awesome spirit being, truly loved and accepted by God" Robert McGee, Search For Significance.

Lisa writes, "The depth of God's love for us is hard to comprehend. So are the height, the width, and the breadth of His love. Our human minds will not allow us to process the greatness of the love of our Father because we are programmed by the world's view of love, which has great limitations." The world tells us we are loved because of the way we look, by what we own, by what we drive and that we must earn love. It also tells us that if at anytime we fall short that love will be taken away and it's our fault.

God tells us that's not true. Think about this it always blows me away. Jesus prayed for me and for you right before he was arrested and crucified. (words added by me) Jesus prayed these words, "My prayer is not for them alone (the disciples). I (Jesus) pray also for those who will believe in my message (that's me and that's you) through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May the world also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you give me, that they may be one as we are one. I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have love me." John 17:20-26 niv. HOW AWESOME IS THAT JESUS PRAYING FOR US, and about how much He wants us to know that the Father God Loves us. That just grips my heart. Jesus prayed for me, because He already knew who I was.

Then Lisa reminds us of this in 1John 3:1 "How great is the love the Father lavished upon us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!"

I have felt the limitations of the worlds love, by being cast aside for another woman, by having family put you on the bottom of the priority list because a new man is in the picture, by being lied to, and told I'm not good enough. I have also been the one who's done some unloving things to others.

God's love is different, God's love has no limits, He cannot die, He's seen all my flaws and knows every vile deceitful thing about me, yet he loves me. Jesus was beaten, tormented, had his flesh ripped from his body, and was hung on a cross. That has been said to be one of the most horrific ways to die - He did this for me. For me was I worth that? are you worth that? If your answer was the same as mine, NO. I have only one child I can't imagine how painful that would be to give your child over to save someone else, I haven't met a person yet I would allow her to endure any suffering for. Thankfully I'm not God - because God loves us in that way. He says I am worth it and your are worth it too, "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him." John 3:16-17 No love on earth can compare.

I have searched for love and fulfillment in so many ways. Through people, friendships, sexual relationships, marriages, and no matter what there has been some hurt or disappointments. I've tried shopping, eating, exercising, changing my look all left me empty. (well the food it left me fatter, but you get the picture) Only through God's love have I been able to slowly learn to love who I am, and having his love helps me to stop looking in all those other places. Thankfully God is patient because I'm a slow learner.

I love what Lisa wrote here: "Deep down inside, when no one is around and the only sound that breaks is the beating of our own hearts, we long to feel the warm embrace of love wrapped around us. We desire to truly experience lasting and genuine love, maybe for the first time in our lives. What we thought would bring us love has left us down, and we are tired of searching. Even the best of our earthly relationships with the strongest bonds of earthly love cannot quench the insatiable thirst of our souls for a deeper connection"

I am still learning how much God loves me, He shows me in many ways. Lisa told us to write down a time in detail when God paused to show us how much He cared about us through a unique experience. So here goes.

As many of you know I have a chronic illness called Autoimmune Hepatitis. (see side bar for other posts on my illness) It was January of 2001, Brinn was 18 months old, I was a single mommy living and working at my current apartment management job. I had been feeling tired for probably about 3 1/2 months and had developed a cough I could not get rid of. I'd been to the doctors a couple times but on this one visit the Physicians Assistant took more time. She asked me about my life, and said I seemed sad, and worn out, that concerned her. Then she went to listen to my back for my breathing, she paused and said can you take off your glasses, and she looked at my eyes. At that point, she told me that she wanted to get the doctor and she came back in. The doctor came in and looked at my back and my eyes, and started asking me if I drank alcohol on a regular basis or if I used iv drugs. I said no, why? He said I was jaundice and that he wanted to run some liver tests through blood work, and then he asked me other questions about my bodily functions that you all just don't want to know.

So anyway I went for my blood tests, and went back to work. I went home and kept looking in the mirror I did I had this yellow tinge to my eyes. I called my family and nobody was really freaked out yet. Except me. Over the next couple days I went for a ultrasound and more blood work, then back to my regular doctor who said my liver was enlarging, and that's why I was getting yellower. Then they sent me to a GI specialist. This was a Wednesday the 22nd of January, and by time I got to him I was orange yes orange, my eyes glowed like an orange highlighter, I was so weak, and so cold I could barely get my self there. Dr. F, my GI specialist looked at me and said I bet your pretty tired huh. He asked about me, I told him about my daughter and that I was a single mommy, he shared that he and his wife were expecting their first child. He told me that he was almost positive what I had and that he needed to do a liver biopsy to make sure, plus run some more blood. Then he told me I would need to go home and rest, and we'd go from there. He also told me that I needed some one to be with me at home that night.

I left the room got in the elevator, and it hit me this is bad really bad. I remember feeling the tears fall, and then a man standing next to me asking me are you okay, all I said is I don't know. I got in my car and drove home. Now on the Sunday before I had told a lady at church that worked in the office, and she made me promise to call her when I got back from the doctors. So I first called my sister (who's birthday was the next day) she said she'd be over as soon as she got her daughter Amy settled after school. I called my friend Linda to have her pick Brinn up from the baby sitter, my sister told me to put on worship music, and that God was going to bring us through this (I had only come to the Lord in May of 1999). The hospital called and had me scheduled for the next day for my biopsy. So I talked with Janette from church, she prayed with me then, she put our Pastor Dean on the phone. I had only been going to the church at the time for since July of 2000, and Highway was not even a year old, but Dean prayed with me and said that the church would be there to help in anyway they could.

So I put on my CD that was from my churches worship band and opened my Bible and turned to Jeremiah 29:11. Then this song came on "Come Near to God" there was a part in it that said "Lord make me still content with your will, I lay down my life at your feet. Confusion runs deep, but your plan I will receive, give me the strength to believe. When I draw near you, you are there beside me Come Near to God here and now". I looked over and saw this picture.

(sorry about the quality) This was Brinn's Christmas photo, and it was sitting where I could see it while laying in my bed. It was at that moment I prayed to God. I said, "God you have given me everything I have, my job, my apartment, furniture, a car. Please Lord take all of it, but let me stay with Brinn, I don't want her to grow up not knowing how much I love her, I don't want to be only a memory, but it's your will not mine."

At that moment, I felt the presence of God, I had been unable to get warm for the entire day, and I felt warmth and like I was being wrapped in someones arms and held like a little child, I felt so full of love and peace, then I heard the whisper. "I just need you to endure this for Me, you will not be separated." I can't express that moment in words. I just remember crying and praising God.

My sister came that night, and took care of me, and I think she was pretty shocked by what I looked like, as was my brother the next day when he came to take me to the hospital. I was green and orange ladies, and I even got the doctors in the elevators to do a double take. But I had no fear, none, I had God's love and peace in me. I remember joking with the surgeon who did my biopsy to be careful not to leave a big scar because I paid $5.00 for this procedure.

Oh wow how God showered his love on me through that time. Now I did have moments of fear, and frustration I am human. God used so many people at that time. My family, my sister came to every doctor appointment, and that was every week, she took care of my finances, and helped me to understand the things the doctor said. My brother and his wife brought Brinn and I too their house every weekend to take care of me, and my mom came and took care of us through the week. The church, helped pay my rent, brought meals everyday for the first month, and then several people just kept bringing them after that, they cleaned my house, brought a bed for my mom to sleep in, took Brinn to play groups, and just came by to visit. The people I worked with called me every week, also brought food, and promised me a job to come back to. I got to watch Brinn go from a tumbly toddler to a talking 2 year old, and had some much needed time of healing with my mom. I was out of work for 7 months, doc thought I'd never go back to work. Doc thought I might need a liver transplant, I still have my original liver. Even now as I struggle with my illness I recall that moment with God, and that picture of Brinn it's always close by to remind me if I'm forgetful of that Love.

God has shown me His precious love many times since that day, He never fails, and He never forgets.

May you know the complete and accepting love of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Carol

Finally the 2 Story Target and other stuff

Hi to all my friends in blog land. Well for some reason I've fallen behind on everything, it took me almost a week to do my bible study post. Things have been busy, but I thought I'd share a couple photos with you.

So as promised, here are the pictures of my 2 story Target. Brett and Brinn are headed up the escalator, then you get the going down view. You can tell it's my cart just look at all the cereal in it. Bet you all were wondering how we got the carts up and down the stairs. Yep there is a cart escalator too. Sadly I've heard they are going to tear down are beloved Target in January as the mall it's in is under construction. I'm so bummed, it's so convenient now I'll have to go all the way to the boring old 1 story Target in Mountain View. boohoo

Brinn's school had a walk a thon on October 15th. This is her 6th year in the walk a thon, and I've been to all but the first one. Her team was the Gold Medal Geckos, and They decorated their own tshirts. They also got to school an hour early to pull the traditional 4th grade prank on the 5th grade class and covered the floor and room with pictures of geckos. The kids were so excited though they couldn't sleep the night before. Brinn didn't go to sleep until 11:30 pm the night before. They did have a blast but they were all tired by the end of the day.

Then on October 19 or family celebrated my niece Amy's 18th birthday. Brinn loves her cousin Amy. In fact when Amy was 8 she opened up her room and shared it with us from the time Brinn was about 1 1/2 months old until she was 9 months old. The 3 of us shared a queen size bed, we called it the ABC room. Amy helped me take care of Brinn, and was just an amazing blessing (as were my sister and brother in law) through that difficult time. I remember many fun talks with Amy when she was exactly the same age Brinn is now. Amy has grown into a beautiful, caring and loving young woman, I'm very proud of her. She's a great role model for Brinn.

As far as my Autoimmune Hepatitis is going, well it's kinda hanging out right now in a low but still active state. I don't look sick, but have endured the side effects of the prednisone, even chimpmunkier cheeks, and other fun stuff. The doctor is being very reserve in the taper of my medicines. So I'm still having weird sleep patterns and I have very small amounts of energy, and so we have to be careful what extra activities I add to my plate. Last week I went through almost 3 full days of sleeping, just can't wake up. Then other days I feel like I can do more, but when I push the envelope my body just shuts down, and it's time to sleep.

My blogging Bible study has been amazing, and has given me such peace after posting. I know God is growing my heart, and so many other women too. I truly am blessed and amazed by the wonderful openness of the women I've met, and miss everyone when I'm not on, reading the blogs.

I did have a birthday on Friday (31st) so I have a few pictures I'll post, and share more about it then.

Until then hope everyone is having a great day. I've also got some tags and things I wanted to send out and collect, just been out of the loop. One from Naomi, and one from Connie.

Well until later.

Love to you all,

Carol

Health update - Autoimmune Hepatits

Hi I thought I'd sneak in a quick post on my health. I had a blood test on Weds, and on Thursday Dr. F called me and was thrilled. Truth be told, I usually check my email on the morning after my test so I know what it is before he calls me, but I've been so in thought over my bible study say Yes to God and the book study we are doing on Behind Those Eyes, that I completely forgot to check. After all God is in control and me obsessively checking the labs won't change anything.

Anyway, my liver tests numbers have come way down. So quick education for those who don't know the liver test thing. Normal range on a liver tests know as your AST & ALT are between 40 & 60, when the liver gets sick it inflames which makes the numbers go up. So mine have over the years been really high over 3300 at the time I was first diagnosed with Autoimmune Hepatitis. Anyway, they had spiked up in July to over 500, and have been jumping around between 120 to 250 since January. So yesterday they were at 74 & 77. That's really good, and my other critical number billirubins was 1.4 which went down from 2.7. normal is .2 to 1.2.

Doc F. has started to wean me back off the higher does of Prednisone down by 5 mg. and I'll have another test in one month. I'm feeling better now. And I know it's all because of God. I got off the phone with doc praising Jesus, and thanking God.

Doc did give me strict instructions to keep doing what I've been doing. So I am, resting when I'm tired, and sticking to my schedule. I'm also spending more time soaking in God's word and asking God to change me from the inside out. I truly believe it's been God's word, my quiet time with Him, and all the prayers of friends in person and cyberspace that has made this change. I thank God for each and everyone of you.

Love
Carol

Health Update/and Thank yous

Well it's been awhile since I wrote about my health. Not much new, except my liver tests improved with my last blood test so the extra prednisone worked. My doc is keeping my dosage high until I get to a lower number, then he'll start weening me off the prednisone again back down to my lower dosage. I'm looking forward to that because I really hate the tremors I get at this dosage, and the false feeling of energy.

This past weekend I was feeling like I had all this energy, and I moved my scrapbook room around, boy what a mistake, I crashed so hard that by Tuesday I could barely get out of bed. I'm still tired. I should have known better because just getting ready in the morning makes me tired.

So I'll go for another blood test in about 2 weeks, and we'll see where I'm at. In the mean time I need to remember my limits.

Oh and a big THANK YOU to our friend Patty, who gave Brett and I new furniture, it's so comfy. Well it's not brand new but it might as well be it feels like it's never been broken in. So we've got this big old blue couch if anyone wants it for like a garage band room or something.

Also another THANK YOU to my friend Inge, she's such a love. She's going to help me with a work out routine that I can handle, so when I wave only my hand moves not my arms. She's a personal trainer, and a triathalete. If you ever want a personal trainer let me know and I'll refer you to Inge.

THANK YOU to all my friends, and Internet buddies who've been praying for me and our family. We feel very lifted up.

That's about it for now. It's time for me to start heading to get ready for work. My boss let me change my hours at work, so I go in Tues to Friday at 11am, gives me some quiet down time in the morning, and has helped me out greatly. THANKS Roger.

Well talk with you later,
Carol

Update on AIH Happenings

What can I say, but when you cry out to God, and tell him your fears, He will calm them. This isn't something I didn't already know but I guess I needed a reminder.

This past Weds, I had opened my email and found the verse of the day from Air1 radio. It was Hosea 6:3 "Oh, that we might know the Lord! Let us press on to know him. He will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn or the coming of rains in early spring." This verse jumped out at me, I realized that in the midst of the last week, I've been on my pity potty feeling sorry for myself, and really scared. I read the verse over and over, and knew it was time to look towards God fully.

So that afternoon I get a call from my doc, I had emailed him and asked him about taking something to sleep, and that I was feeling very bloated and my feet were swollen. Doc called me that afternoon and said he wanted to see me Friday, and set up a CT scan of my abdomen. My feet have been so swollen that I can only wear flip flops, and since I just got the cutest Anne Klein shoes on sale at the outlet I was bummed that I couldn't wear them.

So Thursday morning, after Brett and Brinn went off to work, I sat down to read my bible, and I just started crying out to the Lord, I confessed all of my fears, frustrations, and then accepted God's will whatever it was. Then peace came into my heart again, I didn't know what His will was, but I knew that I could face more, my fear was leaving and being replaced by strength.

So yesterday I headed over to good old Kaiser SC, and was schedule to meet up with doc at noon, and have my ct scan at 1pm. Before that I had to go get my "smoothies" that you drink before your scans. Not to bad, I've endured worse.

Doc was taken back by my feet. I should have taken a picture really for the blog, they really did look funny. He said it was a combination of water retention, and fluid caused from the liver inflammation and the upped dose of prednisone. He said the ct scan would tell us if the fluid was building in my abdomen and he prescribed a diuretic.

So then we talked about the transplant scenario. And let me tell you Hosea 6:3 rang clear. To determine if you are referred out to UCSF to start you into the treatment center there and to be considered for a transplant listing they use a thing called a MELD Score. (Model for end stage Liver Disease) UCSF says in order to send a referral for transplant screening and monitoring your MELD Score should be 15. Doc and his other colleagues have done my meld scores to date and I came up at a 12. Thank you Jesus. This means at this time I won't be referred out. Doc still believes that it's inevitable that I will end up needing a transplant, but he's back on his old time frame of 12 to 15 years after my diagnosis. He said I could hang out at 12 for a while, and even people who are at 15 don't get transplants they just get monitored for the MELD score to go up. I left his office feeling so uplifted, and even my second "smoothie" tasted good.

Then it was off for my ct scan. They put in iodine through and iv tube, that was a weird sensation, it lights up your insides and they took my pictures. It made me tired, gave me a headache, and a bit of a stomach ache but I was better last night.

So I have another blood test next week, and if the numbers improve again like they did last time doc said they lowered my steroid a bit. Yeah cause this level is icky. He also reminded me that I have to stay laying low, and not to deny my body rest, and run myself tired. Which I have many loving friends and family members with Brett leading them all that are now keeping me in check. This means I need to stick to my work schedule, and not go over it. It means my quiet rest time is just that. It's not run around and do errands time. I have many people who have helped Brett and I arrange it so I can go in later to work, so that I can get enough rest to take me through the day.

So praise God. I'm giving him all the glory. This is a path that God has designed for me to walk, I don't always do it perfectly, but I know He doesn't expect me to. He also doesn't leave me to walk it alone. I have my Lord, my family, my friends, and now I've found a support group on Yahoo. Thank you for all the prayers, and support. Keep on praying for my illness to quiet down. I'll let you know next Friday how my blood tests come back.

Carol

Just Can't Sleep

Well here it is Saturday night, or technically Sunday morning, and I can't sleep. It's part of the AIH flair, my body is fatigued, but the higher medicine disrupts my sleeping pattern. So I've been on SB.com and cruzed around there for a bit, so I thought I just stop in and write random thoughts see if I could make my brain tired. It's frustrating, and last night I kept dreaming about getting the call to come in my new liver was ready. Like I was picking up a pizza very strange.

Let's see we watched the Brinn's friends C & G today while their parents actually got to go out and do fun adult stuff. Something they don't get to do enough. There great people, theirs is the house the kids love to play at, and they are always willing to have the kids there. We were going to take the to play mini golf, but G got a tummy ache and actually came home and fell asleep. So they watched Star Wars, and other movies.

Got to have a nice talk with my brother Gary, gave him all the gory details on the doctor call, and talked about a few other life stuff. I miss him, I don't get to see him very much, and I'm bad about talking on the phone.

Brett was a laundry machine today, I worry about him, me being sick throws him off. This last 9 months have been a lot about me being sick, but other than the trip to the hospital this is the worst the AIH has been. He didn't know me when I went through the worst part, so my weird sleep patterns, disconnected personallity, and strange eating habits are taking some adjustments. Today all I really wanted to eat for dinner was zuchini and fruit. Yes strange. Although I did want pancakes this morning which was really weird, because so did he. Hmm maybe it's like sympathy pain.

I wanted to go play with the pictures I took at my mom's 80th party, but I just couldn't get motivated. People say to me why don't you scrapbook, but I just feel so unfocused. I go in my beautiful scraproom and feel completely overwhelmed. So I basically did nothing, which people kept telling me I'm suppose to be doing. I'm not good at being home sick, infact I hate it, of course that's why I wear myself out, because I'd rather do something than melt into the couch. Oh except I did go and get my threading done on my eyebrows and face.

I'm looking forward to church tomorrow, there is something about singing worship with a room full of people that lifts me. Maybe because we are all there singing and loving God together, yet sometimes I feel just like I'm the only one there with God. I remember the first time I sang worship at Highway, it was like coming home. I had been church shopping after moving back to Sunnyvale, and I had just not found a place that I felt like home, until that day. That was a little more than 8 years ago. It's changed in many ways, but it's still has such a feel of comfort for me.

So I guess I better go lay down now and try and sleep. I have to get up at 7am. Thanks for letting me whine.

Blessings,
Carol

Autoimmune Hepatitis update and Prayer request.

Seven and a half years ago I was diagnosed with a illness called Autoimmune Hepatitis. Without to much detail and explanation my immune system attacks my liver, no one really knows why.
When the diagnosis first came I was in what the call hepatic failure, a fancy term that meant my liver had stopped functioning, and I am blessed to be hear writing this today. This is a long story and one I'll share later, but needless to say God answered my prayer and allowed me to stay with my sweet then 18 month old little girl. At the time I was a single mommy and having her live with her bio father was something I couldn't see as a good option. My prayer to God then was take everything else, but let me stay with Brinn. He blessed me back in ways I never imagined.

So over the last seven and a half years, I have had my ups and downs with my illness. When my body goes through a AIH flair up, I get very fatigued and because of the medicines I take to keep my immune system suppressed I catch a lot of colds, along with other side effects the medicine causes. When I was first diagnosed Dr. F told my sister and I that we needed to talk about a transplant. Then as Doc said by some miracle I was able to avoid that procedure at the time.

The last couple of years especially this year has been tough on my system,a lot of colds and flu this past year, and a hospital visit for a blood transfusion due to a rupture in my throat. My liver tests haven't been the same since. I have a very aggressive case, and take a higher than average dose of a drug called Imuran and a smaller dose of Prednisone, I've never been off my meds the one time we lowered my current dosage I bumped higher than Doc was willing to risk in 2 week period, and went straight back to my normal dose.

I have had a blood test every month since January, and the numbers went up (bad) and then started back down (good), but this last month I knew something was off, so when I went in for my test the 31st of July, I expected a little bump. What I got was a jolt, the highest they've been in probably 6 years. I was shocked, and so was Doc. Why we don't know. I've been resting, not over doing it not getting sick. I mean going 1 month with out a cold this year was a record. So he bumped up one of my meds (predinsone) and I had another test yesterday.

Brett and I've been a bit freaked out this week, lots of prayers and trying to lean on the Lord for peace, knowing that this didn't catch God by surprise, but our human brain keeps wanting to know what's next.

I got my test back and my test results, are lower, and that's good, that means the medicine is reducing the inflammation. However Doc called me he only calls when he's got the this is not a routine just stay on the meds and test in a month kind of thing. Those he emails me.

It seems that after talking with his colleague that I need to start preparing for the idea of a liver transplant. See back in the beginning my liver rated on a scale from 1-4 for the need for transplant at a 3. Now they believe that the damage sustained at the time of the hepatic failure has been added to and that's why my liver is getting larger again. Which means it maybe that I'm come up on the time to be a transplant candidate.

We don't know of course, I have another blood test in 2 weeks, and then 2 more weeks. This could go on for another year, or more, they could decide to send me in a few weeks. That we didn't get a clear picture of.

It's been 7 years, and a lot has happened in that time. I met and married Brett, we went through some pretty rough stuff, when his need to go into drug recovery came out. (again another story) I've watch Brett grow from a man who had never opened a Bible to a man who is never without one, and constantly hungry to learn more of God's word. He adopted Brinn in April, and he is what I like to call an Ephesians 5 husband, he strives to love me and Brinn as God has called him to do.

God knows all things and he prepares the path before we ever walk it. He prepares it for us down to every detail. Seven years in the Bible means completion. Seven years ago if I had to face a transplant it would have been a much different story. My family was my stronghold during that time, they gave so much of themselves to me and Brinn to care for us. But I believe that God has prepared Brett to be the husband and the father he'll need to be should this transplant be the Lords will. God has surrounded us not only with my family, but Brett's, our church family who carried Brinn and I through prayerfully, lovingly, and financially, and now friends who have been there to help us in our time of need and offer Brinn a safe and fun place to be.

We would appreciate your prayers, pray for God's healing power, pray that we will be strengthened through the waiting and unknowing and rest in God's arm's. Pray for Brinn as we rearrange her routine, to help my body to recover from this episode, pray that she will see our faith in Jesus and that hers will grow. Pray for us to be content with God's will, and to be ready to do whatever his will and plan is. Check back here for more updates

Thanks,
Carol