Sunday, January 17, 2010

A Lesson I didn't expect

I started this post back about a week or so after my last post. Can that really be 6 months ago. Life goes by so quickly, I'm not even sure who'll read this post but I thought I'd write anyway. This last few months has been filled with lot's of activities, joy, and trials.

The day after we got back from our very fun filled trip to Disneyland, I landed in the emergency room with a new complication to my on going chronic illness. This newest complication was something that we hadn't experienced and we were faced with many unknowns. One of the things I do when I'm faced with a new trial in my life is ask Brett to take me to the beach. Something about the beach brings me close to God, sitting in the middle of the sand and watching his power displayed in the ocean it just brings me peace.

This visit was a bit different though. Back in August part of my complications was my right lung cavity filled with fluid and I couldn't breathe very well. So instead of my walk I usually take I sat and took pictures of my husband and daughter play in the waves. It gave me joy to watch them, because seeing the bond between them is such a gift for all 3 of us.

It wasn't until I got home until and looked through the photos that I discovered a lesson from God. At first the pictures showed me how Brinn had grown to love and trust Brett.....

When they first met Brinn was very cautious about her trust with Brett. She allowed very little contact. Then over time she would sit closer to him and even put his hand on his leg or maybe hold his hand. Testing to see how he would respond.

Then as time passed she began to sit in his lap, or asking him to play with her by wrestling or playing tug a war. Brett always allowing her to ask for the contact never pushing his love on her.

Then came the day when she started to hug him, and asking him to carry her, even to the point of falling asleep while he carried her or as she slept on his lap.

Then the day came, when she started to run to him and hug him, the day she asked him if she told him she just wanted to call him Daddy. Over the years she has grown closer and now knows her earthly father was given to her by God and the he will do whatever he can to protect her and love her. That even though she's not his biologically that she's his daughter not just by adoption but by the love in his heart for her.

When I saw these pictures I first thought what a beautiful picture of how they have grown together, and was thanking God for answering a prayer beyond what I could have ever imagined. Then God spoke softly and sweetly to me, "do you see the other picture I'm showing you. Look again there is something more in those pictures." I stared at these pictures there it was the lesson God was showing me.

This was my relationship with God. When I first came to the Lord, I was in turmoil, a new Christian with no understanding really of who and how powerful our God is. (I'm still learning that) So I reached out to him cautiously but desperately hoping he would respond to my cries. As my relationship has grown with God he's patiently waited as I learned to trust an rely on him, and learning how to rest in him.

Honestly it's something I learn to do everyday. The fall came with many new challenges for us. Brinn's little school suddenly had to make changes into the teaching staff right before school, sending a wave of unsure time through the kids, and the parents. Then October and November brought Brett 3 root canals and one of them abscessed causing him great amounts of pain. Which forced us into a spot of having to bring Brett through a time of using pain killers in a way that was safe. Not to mention the amount of money that those can cost and no dental insurance. God was faithful and carried us over those trials. Christmas quiet and fun, then New Years morning was an unexpected challenge arose. I ended up being taken from the house in an ambulance and was admitted to the hospital for a ruptured blood vessel in my esophagus and what given a transfusion for blood loss, as well as being in the hospital for 4 days.

So as I sat home, and recovering from my second surgical procedure to repair the damaged vein, I kept thinking of these pictures. Especially the last one, I just need to run into God's arms and let him lift me above the waves. He has blessed me in amazing ways, Brett, Brinn and I had so much support we couldn't have asked for anything more. Brinn always has safe and loving people who will pick her up, take her over night, spend time with her. Even her sweet friends running up to me and telling me they were glad to see me and asking me if I'd be okay. That Brinn could come stay overnight at there house too. Friends bringing soup, praying for us, checking on Brett. Of course our family here at the drop of a hat.

I'm not sure what trial you maybe facing but I know that God is waiting for you to run into His arms so He can hold you and keep you safe. The trial doesn't always go away. My health has been a trial for 9 years this month, one that God has been right by my side through. For whatever reason he has chosen to leave this illness in my life. I've learned to not ask God for reasons, just to ask that he use it to glorify Him, and when that time is done that He remove this disease from my body.

So hear is my verse I keep it close to me, may it bring you peace.

The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble.

He cares for those who trust in him... Nahum 1:7

Be back soon,



MidniteScrapper said...

Wow. I sure have missed reading here. What a beautiful lesson to learn. Thank you for.sharing Carol. You'll be in my prayers.

Cindy said...

Carol, I am so thankful that you wrote this post and that God has been speaking to you and holding you close during this time of trial. He's cool like that!!!
I continue to hold you up in prayer and believing God for a complete healing and restoration of your health. Blessings, Cindy
BTW: I grew up on the beaches on SoCal and miss them terribly ~ I understand you desire to go to the beach when you need to hear God ~ I sure wish I could just about now:)

Anonymous said...

Hi Carol! It was so good to read your post... Your words painted a beautiful, precious picture, of both your Husband and Daughter, and the analogy... I was reading a poetry book on Motherhood earlier by a lady called Carol Lynn Pearson; as you wrote about Brett and Brinn's relationship this came to is called "To An Adopted":

I did not plant you, true.
But when the season is done -
When the alternate prayers for sun
And for rain are counted -
When the pain of weeding
And the pride of watching
Are through -

Then I will hold you high,
A shining sheaf
Above the thousand seeds grown wild.

Not my planting,
But by Heaven my harvest -
My own child.


I hope you are feeling much better now. I'm sorry you have had such scares lately. I am trusting that 2010 will from here on be a year free from ambulance rides and trips to Drs. Blessings to you!

Naomi x

Lelia Chealey said...

Oh wow Carol, this is beautiful!! Thank you for sharing this with us. I loved the picture of you running to God and letting Him lift you above the waves as you put it. What a gorgeous picture of His love for us.
Love you!

Stacy said...

Wow! Carol, your words brought those good kind of tears to my eyes. What a beautiful description of how so many of us have cautiously approached God, excited, yet fearful, to learn more of (actually place our trust in) His goodness and power. The photos you took are beautiful. Treasured memories of beautiful blessings.

Enjoyed reading your post on Disney. So precious that Brinn was so caught off guard.

You are continually in my thoughts and prayers for safety, health, and a miraculous healing.

Much love to you, my friend!


Paula (SweetPea) said...

Thanks for the text and heads up. I came right over when I woke. This is such a beautifully written post with a beautiful message. I love how you described the love and trust growing between Brett and Brinn. Knowing and see them now, it was actually hard to imagine this because the love and bond are so deep! Awesome.

Love how God spoke to you that this pictures were about you and Him also. You are just amazing, girlfriend. You are so resilient. I love you deeply.

Thanks for the Nahum verse. I'm gonna have to note that somewhere to commit to memory.

Mucho lovo,

Jen Mc. said...

Carol, this is so beautiful!! So glad you've posted it, as your stories weave their ways into so many hearts!

Tina said...


what beautiful pictures! This is what it is to walk with Him ... when we really walk hand in hand with the savior He causes us to see the Father in everything ... both dear (Brett and Brinn) and difficult (illness)

When we see Him we cannot help but be encouraged and strengthened

Thank you for letting your light shine I'm glad to be able to take it in =)

In Him,

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

BEautiful glad that I stopped by.

Stop by and check out my Mother's Day Giveaway.

Pamela (His maidservant) said...

Carol, it has been many months since you posted this but your words in this month of August, was so revelant to my "now". I too love to stand on the beach and feel the magnitude of God in the ocean He created. I so need to move out of Missouri!!!

I hope all is well with you!!

Believing Him~Pamela

Toni said...

What a beautiful picture God gave you of His love and care in the midst of difficult circumstances.

I had a similar experience at the beach this summer. I kept edging out into deeper water (even though I can't swim), just wanting to catch a bigger wave on the boogie board. All of a sudden a huge wave came over me and I went under. In that moment there is panic, you can't see, you don't know if you'll come out of it okay, you feel like you're drowning. But when the wave passed over, little did I know that I could touch bottom all along. All I had to do is stand up and I was fine.

Sometimes when we are in the midst of difficult circumstances, we feel as though we are drowning, everything seems out of control, we don't know if we will come out of okay. But if we will just stand on our faith in Jesus, we will be fine. All we have to do is stand up; His sure foundation is right there at our rescue.

Psalm 40 has been an encouragement to me in a time of physical injury that I am going through now. Praying for patience and encouragement and strength and praise and that I will be a witness for the Lord even in the midst of difficult circumstances.